Posted by Penny on January 23, 2004, at 8:26:26
In reply to Thanks all :), posted by Karen_kay on January 22, 2004, at 23:16:29
I completely agree with Dinah.
YES - therapists are human. Amazingly enough, some of us on here will be therapists some day - what does that say? And Bubba has a right to feel however he's gonna feel about whatever the situation is. BUT - he doesn't have a right to not put your needs before his in therapy. HE DOESN'T HAVE THAT RIGHT. THAT IS HIS JOB. If he can't do his job properly, he needs to get help.
I'm not saying you should have googled your therapist. I don't know that it's a thing that is 'right' or 'wrong', per se, it just is. I've done it! I'm not dxed BPD or anything like that - I just google everybody!!! My boss, my coworkers, guys I have dated, friends, and so on. Especially therapists and docs. How did I find out that my former pdoc had been accused once of using hyponosis to cause a patient to have false memories of sexual abuse? Because he certainly wouldn't have told me that. (He wasn't found guilty, by the way.) I also found out that my current pdoc had a juvenile patient who committed suicide shortly after being admitted to a residential facility, and my pdoc was named in the malpractice suit, even tho' he was no longer treating the kid at the time (of course, my pdoc has told me that psychiatrists get sued quite often, so he's pretty honest about that...). I have discovered quite a few things googling folks, including finding a high school friend I hadn't seen in 9 years or so who was living in the city next to mine. Googling, IMO, is okay.
And he wasn't hiding from you the fact that he was married. Okay, so he would have preferred that you didn't find out where he lived, or that you didn't see a pic of his wife and the dog. Fine. My former T wasn't happy that I found a pic of her hubby, or that I found her address (and knew the tax value of her home...). I DID drive by there. I didn't tell her, but I did drive by, though only once. I had to see. And it had nothing to do with my diagnosis. What it had to do with was quite a bit of pain I was experiencing - and in retrospect, while part of me wishes that I had respected her privacy and just not looked, part of me thinks that it was a good, but painful, learning experience. And, ya' know what? My former T told me that I wasn't the first patient she had who had found out where she lived - she had a patient who had confessed that to her before the internet became a factor. So he went to a lot more trouble than I did. And, as my T said, yes, she was upset (she was also naive about the capabilities of the internet, IMO), but she said she would get over it. And she told me that it was good to learn that someone could get upset with me without expressing rage (the way my parents did) and without abandoning me. And, I do think she got over it. Me? I'm still working on it, but she certainly didn't abandon me. We ended on a positive note, and that's been almost a year ago, and even after all of that happened, she still did her job as a therapist.
I just think, Karen, that Bubba is perhaps too inexperienced to deal effectively with his feelings over this in a way that is conducive to YOUR therapy. This is HIS issue, not yours. His reaction is a reflection of HIM, not of YOU. I know you might not want to accept that, but, trust me, it is the case. At 29, not too long out of grad school, I just don't see how he could not realize what might be out there about him and his wife.
My former T didn't share personal info with me unless necessary. So, by trying to find out more, I felt like I was doing something wrong b/c I knew it was info she wouldn't share with me voluntarily. Bubba had already shared a lot of things with you, so I just don't see what he has to be upset about. But, as I said, you're right - he's human. He has a right to feel however he's gonna feel. But he needs to put those feelings aside and use this as a learning experience for you - to get at the real reasons behind your interest in his personal life. This is a real opportunity for both of you in your therapy. He needs to get over it and use it to YOUR advantage.
And you can tell him I said so.
P
poster:Penny
thread:304110
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040123/msgs/304550.html