Posted by Penny on January 22, 2004, at 19:07:26
In reply to I called Bubba :(, posted by Karen_kay on January 22, 2004, at 16:33:44
Karen,
As Joslynn said, and I want you to drill this into your head - you did NOTHING wrong!!!!!!!!!
I kinda think of the therapy relationship sort of like the therapist is the 'responsible adult' and the client is the 'child.' Not that we should always act like children in therapy, but therapy does have a way of drawing out our primitive survival instincts - encouraging attachment to our Ts that, in many ways, mimics the attachment a child has to his/her caregiver. It is totally up to the therapist to enforce boundaries, and he/she should begin by setting them up to start with. Bubba, however, has neglected to be clear on how far he is willing to let your knowledge of his personal life go.
Of course you looked him up in the phone book - why wouldn't you? As Joslynn said, if he's that concerned about it, he really should have an unlisted number. Looking his number up in the phone book is the least one of his clients would do...even if it's not listed under his name.
And, as you said, if he hadn't shared so much, you might not be as enticed to go searching for more. This is a problem for him, but he has no right to take it out on you. What really makes me angry with him, however, is his 'testing' you by saying he didn't believe you didn't drive past his house to see your reaction. Uh...he's playing games now? That's highly unprofessional, and I think he needs to know that he might only be 29 years old, and he may need a few more years to grow up, but he needs to get it together now and leave HIS issues, which is what this sounds like, at the door. He is YOUR therapist, and you shouldn't have to worry about taking care of him, sparing his feelings, or whatever. Mutual respect is a must, but he needs to deal with his own feelings regarding this without involving you in that process. This is not your problem.
Perhaps he needs his own therapist. Really.
Karen, don't be hard on yourself. You did what many of us here have done, and you told him, and we all would have expected that this wouldn't have been a big deal for him considering how much he's shared with you already and his youth (meaning he should know how easily accessible his info is on the 'net).
Sorry - it just makes me upset to hear that you are feeling bad because he isn't handling this in the way he should.
P
poster:Penny
thread:304110
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040116/msgs/304352.html