Posted by noa on January 24, 2004, at 8:07:26
In reply to Re: More quesions answered by Bubba » Karen_kay, posted by Penny on January 22, 2004, at 14:07:37
My therapist and I have run into each other twice at the drugstore. One time he was by himself, once with his teenage daughter. Both times were fine--he and I both said hello like when you bump into someone you know but not well enough that you're going to stop and gab with. Each time, he checked with me in the next session how I felt seeing him there, seeing his daughter, etc.
My therapist is extremely centered about this stuff. He doesn't disclose a lot about himself but does disclose some things when appropriate. I think I know more about his family situation only because a few years ago, his wife became very ill with cancer and then died, so he did feel he had to disclose some things to patients around that time.
He also has disclosed things when it helps to validate my perceptions of how he might have reacted to something I said. Sometimes I pick up on the slightest things--verbal and non-verbal--like many of us babblers do--and sometimes I think it is totally a reaction to me and what I said, etc. When I've talked about that with him, he has reacted thoughtfully, and sometimes disclosed what he realized he had brought to the situation that might have contributed to his phrasing something a certain way or having a subtle nonverbal reaction, etc. This is how he takes ownership of at least part of the interaction between us, so that I don't think it is all about me and my inner horribleness. I think he is really centered and honest and good at knowing what is his contribution to the therapy relationship. It is very "sane-making" in the sense of being the complete antithesis to the "crazy-making" interactions I had growing up. This has been an important aspect of the therapy.
Also, it is very safe and reassuring to have a therapist who has such a good sense of his boundaries. The occasional disclosure still doesn't cross the line, and he is good at monitoring with me how the boundary feels and if it's therpeutic. Where his boundary lines are is different than with my previous therapist (I moved cities), who also had good boundaries but was more "traditional" in not answering questions, etc., but his boundaries are still as strong and healthy.
But he has told me that he sees me as having good boundaries too, so I don't know if he would keep his boundary line in the same place for someone whom he was afraid would violate his privacy, etc. Even though I did drive by his house twice early in the therapy, I confessed as much immediately after I did it, and felt horribly ashamed. He did not freak out at all. He calmly processed with me what I'd been feeling and how it felt to drive by and helped me feel less ashamed about having been so curious, etc.
poster:noa
thread:304110
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040123/msgs/304930.html