![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jay on December 14, 2002, at 23:44:44
How is that for a politically correct subject line? ;-) Time for my whining about why I can't get a woman in my life...:-) Out of all of the symptoms I have ever suffered, loneliness is the *absolute* worst. Crying, my tears sum up one important thing: My gawwdd..I am SO lonely.:-(
And no..I don't mean in a "I need a hug and a warm cup of chocolate" kinda way..I mean in a very intense, intimate and loving way. I've been in love..I KNOW what it is...and I WANT it soooooooo bad..You know...you may find a person or two, say at work or something, who you become *interested* in over a year or so period, only to find they are dating someone else, or not *that* interested in you.
It's not that I am desperate (ok..maybe a bit..but..there is such a complex number of things that attract me to a woman, and I certainly am not looking for anything superficial or meaningless.). I am not a drop-dead gorgeous male model, but I have been told attractive in a number of different ways, besides carrying my physical self well, looking after myself...dressing well..looking after my appearance. I have put on a 'bit' of weight with the psych meds, but some of it is coming off, and I am also 5'11"..and a big boned guy. I am gonna be 33 in 6 days...whoaa the years..lol.
What a silly post,eh? How to survive mental illness and find a meaningful date..lol!
The Lonely Canuck,
Jay
Posted by dreamerz on December 15, 2002, at 0:24:08
In reply to Bohemian-yet-shy guy w/mental ill., seeks s.f. :-), posted by jay on December 14, 2002, at 23:44:44
If you were local I'd ask you for a date ; )
Posted by Phil on December 15, 2002, at 13:51:44
In reply to Bohemian-yet-shy guy w/mental ill., seeks s.f. :-), posted by jay on December 14, 2002, at 23:44:44
Heard an AA speaker once that said when he got sober, he would always lay around in bed. His friends would come by and he would moan about how lonesome he was. His friends said no shit, you're lonely cause you're laying in bed. I guess you had to be there.
I think when you quit asking for love that you deserve cause you are so lonely and start asking how can I show more love to everyone I meet. If that's you're focus, you won't be so horny.
*wank *Texan for wink.
Posted by gabbix2 on December 15, 2002, at 18:05:32
In reply to Re: Bohemian-Wrong question grasshopper, posted by Phil on December 15, 2002, at 13:51:44
I know it wasn't directed at me but
Thanks for the reminder.
I don't know how I forget something so important, but I do, frequently.
Posted by snowden on December 15, 2002, at 18:16:07
In reply to Bohemian-yet-shy guy w/mental ill., seeks s.f. :-), posted by jay on December 14, 2002, at 23:44:44
I don't know about you, but I find myself holding back from dating until I am "better". However, that may never happen, but I feel it's a little deceiving or unfair to involve someone in my life if they don't know what they're getting into...
Anyone understand, comprehend or disagree? If you disagree, I'd appreciate the feedback, I feel so lonely!! :) But can you understand where I'm coming from?? You're essentially taking a complete stranger into your life, possible invoking feelings by them for you, and then you have to drop this bombshell by trying to explain how you're "not all there" (for lack of a better term...)
Any insights?
Posted by Mr Cushing on December 15, 2002, at 19:02:23
In reply to Re: Bohemian-yet-shy guy w/mental ill., seeks s.f. :-) » jay, posted by snowden on December 15, 2002, at 18:16:07
Yep, that's the exact same way that I feel right now. I was diagnosed as being Bi-Polar about 3 months ago. Before that, I was trying just about everything to treat my mania and depression, not being sure of where they stemmed from. So, all in all, my treatment thus far has been about 8 months long. For about a year before that I was bouncing around so much that I was basically impossible to get along with, so why would anybody want to "date" me? So basically, all in all, I've been single for about 2 years.At the moment though, I'm still getting used to this life-altering diagnosis. I've had to pull almost a complete 180 in my life and realize that I can't just do everything that I want anymore. I mean, my dreams are not off-limits, but there's a ton of things that I can't do anymore. If I have "one" drink at night, I'm in a horrible mood the next day. I can no longer pull all-nighters or I'm like Oscar the Grouch the next day. I have to get used to eating well and exercising regularly (none of which I really did before) so that I don't balloon on the medication that I'm currently on. Furthermore, once I feel stabilized enough on my medications to finally return to a "full life schedule", I'm not sure what I want to do. Hell, on top of that, I feel like I'm turning into a different person entirely (which is not exactly a bad thing).
So, the thing is, why would I want to bring somebody new into my life right now? Sure, I'm lonely, but even my own friends are starting to realize that I'm like completely changing. I'm starting to able to be a better friend to almost everybody in my life that I really care about than I have been in about as long as I can remember. I still have long periods of being by myself, and sure, I get lonely, but I'm starting to understand myself a whole lot more now than I ever did previously.
Like the person said in one of the above posts (sorry, I'm still bad at remembering names for the present time) but you can't just lay around complaining that you're lonely the whole time. That won't fix anything, it will just make you focus on the "lonliness" more than anything and your situation will become worse. You should be looking at the good things that you do have in your life (your friends, your family) and be as loving towards them as you can possibly be. Then, once you've adapted this into your lifestyle, love won't be that hard to find.
But at the moment, it's best just to take "baby steps" for me. You know, like out of that movie "What About Bob?"...
Anyways, enough rambling...
Posted by bookgurl99 on December 15, 2002, at 22:40:17
In reply to Re: Bohemian-yet-shy guy w/mental ill., seeks s.f. :-) » jay, posted by snowden on December 15, 2002, at 18:16:07
Hey snowden,
I understand how you feel. I had a long-term partner leave me when I developed OCD. I felt worthless and unworthy of a relationship. At the time I just wanted to 'get better' and win her back.
That never happened, but I started developing a life. And I still have so many struggles -- I've also been dx'd with ADD, and have encountered severe depression. On paper, I must sounds like a mess.
But in real life, I hear that I'm quite charming, smart, and funny. When I tell a story I steal the show. The sort of terse, practical, down-to-earth, shy women I like seem to be attracted to me, too.
Recently in the midst of trouble, practically a nervous breakdown, I met a really awesome girl who loves me for the way I am. I've been honest since the beginning, and she's always just cared for me. She's really together, and I'm amazed that someone like her would care for me.
But while I feel lucky, I think that anyone in love -- 'sane' or 'mentally ill' -- feels this way. And somehow, despite my shortcomings, I believe that I deserve this love, that I deserve to be loved.
So maybe that's what the feeling of 'waiting to be better' is all about, the feeling that 'I'm not good enough to be worthy of love yet.' But we ARE. Because you don't know how wonderful you could be to someone else.
Posted by bookgurl99 on December 15, 2002, at 22:46:31
In reply to Bohemian-yet-shy guy w/mental ill., seeks s.f. :-), posted by jay on December 14, 2002, at 23:44:44
Dude, I have totally been in that crying-on-my-bed, feeling sorry for myself, wondering what's wrong with me state. I feel for you.
Most guys I meet who can't meet girls seem to be lookin' in the wrong places -- work, for example. I'm not gonna get all cliche and tell you to join classes or a club or something, but I can say that if you get busy -- if you can find the energy to do more than just go to work and then veg out in front of the tv -- you'll sort of cast a 'wider net.'
BTW, last time I was sad and crying I read "If the Buddha Dated" . I did an exercise the book suggested where you write down everything you're looking for. I didn't realize it at the time, but within 3 months I met the girl that fit the description. (And in an unusual way -- I read for a blind couple, and she drove for them.) Universal incantations coming to life, or coincidence, you decide. But it's something that could keep your mind off the lonely a li'l bit longer.
*hugs*
bookgurl99
Posted by jay on December 16, 2002, at 1:26:03
In reply to Re: Bohemian-Wrong question grasshopper, posted by Phil on December 15, 2002, at 13:51:44
> Heard an AA speaker once that said when he got sober, he would always lay around in bed. His friends would come by and he would moan about how lonesome he was. His friends said no shit, you're lonely cause you're laying in bed. I guess you had to be there.
>
> I think when you quit asking for love that you deserve cause you are so lonely and start asking how can I show more love to everyone I meet. If that's you're focus, you won't be so horny.
>
> *wank *Texan for wink.Umm..well first...got nuttin' to do with me being 'horny'..of course sexual drive is a component of what becomes love.
Second, I am out of the box...and into the fire. I meet many people daily...and have a healthy social life. In fact, being a social worker, I am very in touch with my interpersonal skills. I've discovered easily how to be lonely in crowds, no matter how many friends..etc. That's one area I survived...because I can talk circles and charm the pants off most people.
But looking for *real* love...I think that takes guts and is a true adventure. I could get into some type of cheap sexual gratification easy, and I could settle for some meaningless relationship with somebody I have very little ability to communicate on much deeper level with. But...no..and no. Period. Life is too short for that (for me anyways..and yes I would be 'shorting' myself), and I have always come across my best relationships when I take my time and strive to a higher plain. As the great French saying goes.."Ça vaut la peine.".."It's worth the pain."
Certainly no easy..no way...no simple why...but in the midst of all the existenial angst, some of the most beautiful relationships are formed.
Anyhow...thanks...there are tons of important questions we should al be asking..in a relationship or not.
Peace,
Jay
Posted by jay on December 16, 2002, at 1:36:08
In reply to Re: Bohemian-yet-shy guy w/mental ill., seeks s.f. :-) » jay, posted by snowden on December 15, 2002, at 18:16:07
> I don't know about you, but I find myself holding back from dating until I am "better". However, that may never happen, but I feel it's a little deceiving or unfair to involve someone in my life if they don't know what they're getting into...
>
> Anyone understand, comprehend or disagree? If you disagree, I'd appreciate the feedback, I feel so lonely!! :) But can you understand where I'm coming from?? You're essentially taking a complete stranger into your life, possible invoking feelings by them for you, and then you have to drop this bombshell by trying to explain how you're "not all there" (for lack of a better term...)
>
> Any insights?You know, I tend to now think that my 'illness' (even though I am not quite comfortable with that term..it just doesn't fit..)is a deeper part of my character, of who I am, and how I define myself and others. It doesn't mean I go around telling people "Ohh..I am on psychiatric medication.."..etc..etc. But the last time I fell in love was during an acute period of my illness...and at the end of the 'difficulty', I was a much richer person, but I was still 'me'. My ex girlfriend knew about it all, and it really became a bit of a special bond, rather than something that can rip people apart. Whatever you do..don't consider it a 'flaw'. That is depreciating the value of the learning from all of our hurts and experiences.
I hope that makes some sense, but the scope of mental illness (cringe!) is a vast experience across millions of miles of the landscape of the soul. I think it can be an experience that makes us 'stronger' than what is so-called 'normal'...which I don't think I've ever seen a complete example of!
Keep the faith, even in the night of the soul
Jay
Posted by jay on December 16, 2002, at 1:44:39
In reply to Re: Bohemian-yet-shy guy w/mental ill., seeks s.f. :-), posted by Mr Cushing on December 15, 2002, at 19:02:23
>
> Yep, that's the exact same way that I feel right now. I was diagnosed as being Bi-Polar about 3 months ago. Before that, I was trying just about everything to treat my mania and depression, not being sure of where they stemmed from. So, all in all, my treatment thus far has been about 8 months long. For about a year before that I was bouncing around so much that I was basically impossible to get along with, so why would anybody want to "date" me? So basically, all in all, I've been single for about 2 years.
>
> At the moment though, I'm still getting used to this life-altering diagnosis. I've had to pull almost a complete 180 in my life and realize that I can't just do everything that I want anymore. I mean, my dreams are not off-limits, but there's a ton of things that I can't do anymore. If I have "one" drink at night, I'm in a horrible mood the next day. I can no longer pull all-nighters or I'm like Oscar the Grouch the next day. I have to get used to eating well and exercising regularly (none of which I really did before) so that I don't balloon on the medication that I'm currently on. Furthermore, once I feel stabilized enough on my medications to finally return to a "full life schedule", I'm not sure what I want to do. Hell, on top of that, I feel like I'm turning into a different person entirely (which is not exactly a bad thing).
>
> So, the thing is, why would I want to bring somebody new into my life right now? Sure, I'm lonely, but even my own friends are starting to realize that I'm like completely changing. I'm starting to able to be a better friend to almost everybody in my life that I really care about than I have been in about as long as I can remember. I still have long periods of being by myself, and sure, I get lonely, but I'm starting to understand myself a whole lot more now than I ever did previously.
>
> Like the person said in one of the above posts (sorry, I'm still bad at remembering names for the present time) but you can't just lay around complaining that you're lonely the whole time. That won't fix anything, it will just make you focus on the "lonliness" more than anything and your situation will become worse. You should be looking at the good things that you do have in your life (your friends, your family) and be as loving towards them as you can possibly be. Then, once you've adapted this into your lifestyle, love won't be that hard to find.
>
> But at the moment, it's best just to take "baby steps" for me. You know, like out of that movie "What About Bob?"...
>
> Anyways, enough rambling...
Hey..great post! I know that often we think we where this complete 'other' person when we where not 'ill'. But..you also have to look at those dreams and goals...and ask not only are they worth it...but are they important to you anymore?
Taking the 'detours', and even a different road completely, doesn't mean that you somehow aren't completing your 'destiny'.If you ever get a chance, read "Care of the Soul" by Thomas Moore. It's possible that all that you 'thought' isn't what you 'thought'..and maybe the symptoms of your illness are part of that. I know for me, the saddness, the cruelty I see in the world IS a part of my depression and anxiety. I've learn't to work on treating 'acute' symptoms...but you don't want to negate your insight and humaness.
I hope that makes sense...
Thanx,
Jay
Posted by jay on December 16, 2002, at 2:19:49
In reply to Re: Bohemian-yet-shy guy w/mental ill., seeks s.f. :-), posted by bookgurl99 on December 15, 2002, at 22:46:31
> Dude, I have totally been in that crying-on-my-bed, feeling sorry for myself, wondering what's wrong with me state. I feel for you.
Thank you...and you know, I think lonliness (especially the existential, passionate type) is beyond the self...it's also sadness and tears for life and the world around you.
> Most guys I meet who can't meet girls seem to be lookin' in the wrong places -- work, for example. I'm not gonna get all cliche and tell you to join classes or a club or something, but I can say that if you get busy -- if you can find the energy to do more than just go to work and then veg out in front of the tv -- you'll sort of cast a 'wider net.'No..that is excellent, practical advice! I've formed a few good 'friendships' with some females I have considered taking (risking!!) to the next 'level' ..and asking for a date...and I have taken my time with it, often into years. I do lead a fairly social life...and besides I hate t.v., and have my 'moments of engagement' with many folks from work, to play (whether it's my return to university..or hanging at the coffee bar..or the gym..or yoga classes.)
> BTW, last time I was sad and crying I read "If the Buddha Dated" . I did an exercise the book suggested where you write down everything you're looking for. I didn't realize it at the time, but within 3 months I met the girl that fit the description. (And in an unusual way -- I read for a blind couple, and she drove for them.) Universal incantations coming to life, or coincidence, you decide. But it's something that could keep your mind off the lonely a li'l bit longer.Hey, I *love* the constructive idea of writting down the true qualities of what you are looking for in a soulmate. I have a little home studio I write and record music in that helps me work 'through' what my needs of the soul are calling out for. Music is VERY theraputic for me..as it is many. I am actually thinking of bringing an instrument down to a local coffee house, and just jamin' with various souls I meet.
For myself, looking for a female partner, there are many excellent female musicians and artists, and is a characteristic I find very attractive. I think, though, women are attracted to my more thoughtful, sensitive side (my anima, my female 'counterpart' in my soul..I believe Jung said...which on a basic level I find interesting....especially since ALL male/females have the anima/animus female/male archtypes in us.) I also love to hear from woman what *female* qualities they find attractive. Thankfully, many women are very open about this, and for yourself who is in love with another woman, it's feedback like this that is invaluable to males looking for a female partner. I think that may be a reason I have more female then male friends, but damn..I need some o dat thang called 'courage' to take the risk and open myself to rejection. Obviously, a tough thing for a depressed, anxious person..lol..:-)
> *hugs*
>
> bookgurl99Thanks SOOO kindly..and I hope all is smooth with you in the 'love' dept. Very sadly, some people's homophobia can be damaging, but if the guys and gals out there learn't to accept what is just a simple fact of reality, hell, we can ALL learn from each other!
Peace, and warm hugs,
Jay
Posted by jay on December 16, 2002, at 2:24:44
In reply to Re: well..... » jay, posted by dreamerz on December 15, 2002, at 0:24:08
> If you were local I'd ask you for a date ; )
Well...thank you <blush, blush> :) I do like to *travel*..hmmmmmmm. Challenges...challenges...and ya I am serious..lol..
Jay
Posted by Phil on December 16, 2002, at 6:27:23
In reply to Re: Right question..you misunderstood.. » Phil , posted by jay on December 16, 2002, at 1:26:03
The horny was projecting my feelings, sorry about that.
I've come to the conclusion that it's not worth the pain for me.
Posted by daizy on December 16, 2002, at 7:22:03
In reply to Re: Bohemian-yet-shy guy w/mental ill., seeks s.f. :-) » Mr Cushing, posted by jay on December 16, 2002, at 1:44:39
> >
> . "I've had to pull almost a complete 180 in my life and realize that I can't just do everything that I want anymore"
>> "If I have "one" drink at night, I'm in a horrible mood the next day. I can no longer pull all-nighters"This is so true of me at the moment also, its like you friends are doing things you cant do anymore, so who do you go out with? I just dont go out anymore. I find it hard to meet people when im feeling so insecure about myself. I suppose as you start to get better (when, when when????!) It will just happen naturally that you meet more people? Thats what Im hoping anyways!
> > "But at the moment, it's best just to take "baby steps" for me. You know, like out of that movie "What About Bob?"...
Thats what I'll be doing too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Mr Cushing on December 16, 2002, at 8:46:47
In reply to Re: Bohemian-yet-shy guy w/mental ill., seeks s.f. :-) » Mr Cushing, posted by jay on December 16, 2002, at 1:44:39
Yeah, it makes sense, but I was going into cycles for a VERY loooooooong time. Like I told my 2 best friends that I was diagnosed as being Bi-Polar and explained to them what it was and what they thought about it. Both of them were like ooooh... that explains a LOT. One of them was a girl and she's like, yeah, one moment you would absolutely love me, you could tell just by your voice, the way you looked at me, the things you would do for me... then the next day, or even later on that day, you were the complete opposite, ice cold and just couldn't care whatsoever. And my other friend, a guy, could bring up cycles that I was having (that I totally agree with him, were cycles) back when I was 12 years old. So when I say that I feel like a complete other person now, it's basically true. When you're used to bumping between extremes on the regular, and now you're pretty much stabilized around the middle, where you should be, it makes a BIG difference.As for my goals in life and stuff... You're a Social Worker so you've probably seen enough drama at work to last you a lifetime... I've lived through quite a lot of that myself. I believe that just about everything traumatic that could happen to a person I've either experienced first hand or helped another close friend get through. So, I tend to take things a day at a time now. At the moment, my goal is to get as stable as possible and be able to function with a "full life" again in the near future. After that, *shrugs*, We'll just see what grabs my attention. I'm lucky enough that I was able to complete a fairly decent education before my 'condition' became too severe, so now I'm pretty much free to work wherever I want, IF that's what I want to do. I find that it's easier to accomplish your goals if you just break them down into really small portions anyways. Like instead of focusing on something that could possibly take years to complete, take the smallest chunk off of that, something that might take a few months but that is absolutely essential in reaching your main goal, and start doing that today.
Oh, and I can totally relate to your search for that "special" kind of love instead of going through those "one night stands". Personally, I had one "one night stand" in my life and even though it took care of my sexual urges, it made me feel like complete dung afterwards. It's hard to find that "special" kind of love though. Since I haven't been feeling too together now for a little bit, I'd say that I've been single for almost two years now. But that's alright because I'm able to feel happy and complete by myself. When you find a special person that you want to be with long-term, that person is really just an extension on to who you really are. If you're not happy with yourself, how are you supposed to be happy with somebody else? For me anyways, it's best to learn to be happy with yourself first and then bring somebody "special" into your life. So even though I've been single now for a VERY long time... I'm not really all that lonely. I can entertain myself rather easily and sometimes the best times that I have are when I'm left alone with my thoughts.
Peace,
Mike
Posted by Mr Cushing on December 16, 2002, at 9:02:04
In reply to Re: Bohemian-yet-shy guy w/mental ill., seeks s.f. :-), posted by daizy on December 16, 2002, at 7:22:03
Hey Daizy,Yeah, I could tell from your previous posts that you could have some sort of idea what it's like to be able to party hard for days on end.... like going from one party, sleeping for a few hours "maybe", going to another party that lasts untill about the middle of the next day, and then just crash for about a day or so.
Well... that for me now is a complete no-no. I just can't do that anymore.
With my friends, you know, it depends. Some of them can't relate to what I'm going through whatsoever and have kind of taken a backwards step. But that's cool, I don't need people like that in my life anymore anyways. I do have a fair number though that have pretty much adjusted "parts" of their schedules in order to suit me. Like instead of going out all night, we'll hook up somewhere around 5:00 or so and just chill till like 10:00. That gives us enough time to spend together and if they want to go out after that, it's no big deal. Nobody, so far, has ever pressured me into drinking anything. I tried a few times just having one drink, but obviously I can't do that anymore either. Makes me feel too grouchy the next day. In fact, this is funny too, been talking to my PDoc about this, the only drug that I'm allowed to play with a little bit that doesn't knock me completely off course and that I totally enjoy is marijuana. I'm Canadian, and well, you should know how good our "good" weed is. Some of my boys now will drop by in the afternoon with some amazing hydro and we'll just smoke a spliff and talk for a few hours. But other than that, had to completely cut that part of my life out.
One of my best friends though has even told me that she is much happier with me now that I've quit partying all the time. That I'm in a much better mood and I'm a Hell of a lot easier to relate to. So I don't necessarily view that as a bad thing.
But yeah, I find that you need to take babysteps with this whole ordeal. Before, no matter if I was on the depressed or manic part of the spectrum, if something came into my head that I wanted to do, Hell, I'd just do it. Now I have to go through that whole thought process thing again wondering if it's really a good thing for me to be doing. But I don't have to cut out "everything" in my life. You just kind of learn to "pace" yourself.
For you though, the very first thing I would start doing is going back to a MD or PDoc and telling them exactly what you're going through. You need to find out exactly what it is you're dealing with. On one hand, that will be kind of scary at first, but on the other, once you find out what you're dealing with and how best to treat it, it's all uphill from there.
Anyways, I'm just rambling on now.... time to stop lol...
Posted by daizy on December 16, 2002, at 10:29:04
In reply to Re: Bohemian-yet-shy guy w/mental ill., seeks s.f. :-) » daizy, posted by Mr Cushing on December 16, 2002, at 9:02:04
Yes I did used to party hard! Went some crazy places, did some crazy things! Its cause all my life I've had this weird feeling, Its like I know something exciting is happening somewhere, and that I should go find it,(Thrill seeking i suppose!). anyone else ever felt like that? Weird! But when I started university I just went over the top, but hey I was young (im saying that as if im old, and it was ages ago. Im not,and it wasnt!) But I burned out, and my friends are still going! (that makes me jealous in a way)
Its hard to admit to yourelf, let alone to anyone else how you feel, well for me it is anyway. But I am now taking those first steps to getting my life back on track, but as you said, its little by little :-) and your right, only once I know exactly what im dealing with can it be treated!
Posted by Mr Cushing on December 16, 2002, at 10:45:37
In reply to First Steps........Mr Cushing, posted by daizy on December 16, 2002, at 10:29:04
Yep, same way for me, I pretty much just burned myself out. I started partying when I was 12 years old, slowed things down once I hit 23. That's 11 years of doing absolutely crazy things. I can't say that I've gone too many crazy places though since I'm pretty ummmm "territorial"? I like being around an area that I know, so most of my life so far has been spent in Ottawa.Some of my friends that are still going though, I can't say I feel jealous of them. Some of them are so messed up on drugs (ex. yayo) that you're pretty much just reading the Obits waiting to see when they expire. It's pretty sad actually.
Where are you from anyways?
Posted by daizy on December 16, 2002, at 14:04:05
In reply to Re: First Steps........Mr Cushing » daizy, posted by Mr Cushing on December 16, 2002, at 10:45:37
> England Not the most exciting of places. I havnt really travelled either. I am planning one day to go to asia, china and Hong Kong. Im fascinated by the culture. I was meant to go on hol in Canada lasy year, Before I got ill! I still would really love to travel, when I pay my debts off! I like home because i feel secure with the people and places, its not challenging. That would be too much for me right now
> Yep, same way for me, I pretty much just burned myself out. I started partying when I was 12 years old, slowed things down once I hit 23. That's 11 years of doing absolutely crazy things. I can't say that I've gone too many crazy places though since I'm pretty ummmm "territorial"? I like being around an area that I know, so most of my life so far has been spent in Ottawa.
>
> Some of my friends that are still going though, I can't say I feel jealous of them. Some of them are so messed up on drugs (ex. yayo) that you're pretty much just reading the Obits waiting to see when they expire. It's pretty sad actually.
>
> Where are you from anyways?
Posted by Mr Cushing on December 16, 2002, at 16:20:19
In reply to Re: First Steps........Mr Cushing, posted by daizy on December 16, 2002, at 14:04:05
Yeah, same thing with me. I like home because I'm comfortable with the people and places and everything. I don't like "major" changes. lol.... you should see me when I leave town for some place new. I'm just looking all around with like these big wide eyes, like, geez... this sure doesn't look familiar lol...I remember going out to a friend's cottage once for a weekend with like 50 people, just having this wicked party with all our close friends. The cottage was like a good 3 hours outside of Ottawa. One of my friends after we got there is like, "How does it feel to finally be away from your surroundings", and I'm just looking all over the place all fried.... I'm like, shhhhhh... Don't remind me.
Posted by snowden on December 16, 2002, at 19:46:29
In reply to Re: waiting 'til you get 'better', posted by bookgurl99 on December 15, 2002, at 22:40:17
thanks for your kind words...
I realize it's my own self esteem that holds me back, as well as the fear of what others may think...but in my heart I truly don't feel that it's fair to bring someone into my life all the while knowing what I'm going through...it just seems like I'm not being honest...
It's all just a wonderful head game that I play...
Again, thank you for your thoughts...
Posted by snowden on December 16, 2002, at 19:53:24
In reply to Re: Bohemian-yet-shy guy w/mental ill., seeks s.f. :-) » snowden, posted by jay on December 16, 2002, at 1:36:08
Posted by daizy on December 17, 2002, at 12:30:53
In reply to Re: First Steps........Mr Cushing, posted by Mr Cushing on December 16, 2002, at 16:20:19
went to see the therapist today, left feeling great, , but had a major set back when I had a panic attack at docs. Was that fight or flight, managed to calm down enought to go in, and tell him that i quit the meds, then thought was going to have a heart attack so got up, mid session and left. sick of not being able to handle certain situations. it's that I hate my doc, he's smarmy, smug, thinks he know it all. Been there soo may time now also with this same shit, getting para about what he thinks about me. was having such agood day, knew it was too good to be true! im off all meds now, got a stash of valium if things go bad ........ at a dead end, anyone any advise??????????????????????????
Posted by jay on December 18, 2002, at 3:17:59
In reply to Re: It's not the 1st time. » jay, posted by Phil on December 16, 2002, at 6:27:23
> The horny was projecting my feelings, sorry about that.
> I've come to the conclusion that it's not worth the pain for me.No..I am sorry, because I really didn't mean to throw an accusation at you. When I re-read it, it did not come across the way I mean't it. I can certainly understand and accept what you are saying, because I do agree, sometimes it is *not* worth the pain, and we are not always the best judges of that.
But, your post gave me such food for thought, and I *really* thank you for that.
Peace,
Jay
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.