Posted by jay on December 16, 2002, at 1:44:39
In reply to Re: Bohemian-yet-shy guy w/mental ill., seeks s.f. :-), posted by Mr Cushing on December 15, 2002, at 19:02:23
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> Yep, that's the exact same way that I feel right now. I was diagnosed as being Bi-Polar about 3 months ago. Before that, I was trying just about everything to treat my mania and depression, not being sure of where they stemmed from. So, all in all, my treatment thus far has been about 8 months long. For about a year before that I was bouncing around so much that I was basically impossible to get along with, so why would anybody want to "date" me? So basically, all in all, I've been single for about 2 years.
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> At the moment though, I'm still getting used to this life-altering diagnosis. I've had to pull almost a complete 180 in my life and realize that I can't just do everything that I want anymore. I mean, my dreams are not off-limits, but there's a ton of things that I can't do anymore. If I have "one" drink at night, I'm in a horrible mood the next day. I can no longer pull all-nighters or I'm like Oscar the Grouch the next day. I have to get used to eating well and exercising regularly (none of which I really did before) so that I don't balloon on the medication that I'm currently on. Furthermore, once I feel stabilized enough on my medications to finally return to a "full life schedule", I'm not sure what I want to do. Hell, on top of that, I feel like I'm turning into a different person entirely (which is not exactly a bad thing).
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> So, the thing is, why would I want to bring somebody new into my life right now? Sure, I'm lonely, but even my own friends are starting to realize that I'm like completely changing. I'm starting to able to be a better friend to almost everybody in my life that I really care about than I have been in about as long as I can remember. I still have long periods of being by myself, and sure, I get lonely, but I'm starting to understand myself a whole lot more now than I ever did previously.
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> Like the person said in one of the above posts (sorry, I'm still bad at remembering names for the present time) but you can't just lay around complaining that you're lonely the whole time. That won't fix anything, it will just make you focus on the "lonliness" more than anything and your situation will become worse. You should be looking at the good things that you do have in your life (your friends, your family) and be as loving towards them as you can possibly be. Then, once you've adapted this into your lifestyle, love won't be that hard to find.
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> But at the moment, it's best just to take "baby steps" for me. You know, like out of that movie "What About Bob?"...
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> Anyways, enough rambling...
Hey..great post! I know that often we think we where this complete 'other' person when we where not 'ill'. But..you also have to look at those dreams and goals...and ask not only are they worth it...but are they important to you anymore?
Taking the 'detours', and even a different road completely, doesn't mean that you somehow aren't completing your 'destiny'.If you ever get a chance, read "Care of the Soul" by Thomas Moore. It's possible that all that you 'thought' isn't what you 'thought'..and maybe the symptoms of your illness are part of that. I know for me, the saddness, the cruelty I see in the world IS a part of my depression and anxiety. I've learn't to work on treating 'acute' symptoms...but you don't want to negate your insight and humaness.
I hope that makes sense...
Thanx,
Jay
poster:jay
thread:33356
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021206/msgs/33400.html