![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 31. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on February 6, 2007, at 0:55:57
I don't know how to act so people won't think I'm manipulative. I always write the wrong things.
I hate it so much. I'm just really upset right now. I don't want to feel this way. I can't handle it.
I want to change. I want to be a better person, but it's hard. I'm too focused on myself. I'm not sensitive to other people's feelings.
(after a while)
I feel a little better now. At least I'm not crying anymore. Now I just feel sad. That makes me want to cry some more. :-(
I know one thing for sure. There is something majorly wrong with me, my personality, the way I relate with others. I have to try to fix it, but it's really really hard. Please forgive me and my faults. I know it isn't good enough, but I'm doing the best I can.
I question everything now. Will people think I'm being manipulative by writing this post? I just don't "get it". I don't understand. I don't want to be manipulative. I don't know how not to be.
If I write I hate myself, that can be seen as being manipulative too. I just learned that. I don't know what to write anymore. Everything I do is manipulative. I'm upset. By writing that I'm upset I'm being manipulative. I don't know what to do.
I don't know how to be a better person.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on February 6, 2007, at 2:04:12
In reply to I feel upset, I'm manipulative, posted by Deneb on February 6, 2007, at 0:55:57
I can't sleep. I'm still upset. I don't know what to think anymore. My whole being, my whole personality is bad. I feel like life is not worth living anymore, but it's manipulative for me to write that.
I'm lonely. I feel like I have no friends right now. I just want to be nothing right now, not even a ghost, nothing. I want to be nothing. I don't want to upset others anymore. They way I do things, express myself, upsets others. There is something wrong with *me*. My soul is flawed.
I feel like I should kill myself because the way I am only hurts people. I don't want to hurt people anymore. It's better if I wasn't here. I need to stop being selfish. I need to think about others. The world is better off without me. Someone told me I only cause trouble on Babble. I don't mean to, but it's true. Babble has changed for the worse because of me.
I'm being manipulative even as I write this by writing about killing myself. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry I'm the way I am.
(after a while)
I'm OK. I'm not going to kill myself. I'm a big wimp. I'm afraid of dying. I have a feeling killing myself is manipulative. Also it won't make things better. People will feel upset if I kill myself. I don't want people to be upset. But, people are upset by me living. I don't know which is the lesser evil. Will I hurt people more by living and being manipulative or dying? Somehow I think I will hurt people less by dying. If I die, people will be very upset for a while, but they will get over it. If I live I will continue to be manipulative and upset others, over and over again for years and years.
My life is ruined, why shouldn't I kill myself? To see Bob again? I'm selfish. I don't want to die right now. I want to live and hurt others over and over again by being alive. I should probably die if I want to do the right thing and make the world a better place.
I wish I didn't have parents right now. If I kill myself my Mom would be extremely upset. If I didn't have family right now I think I just might kill myself. I can't bare to think how upset my Mom would be. If my Mom died I could probably kill myself.
It's so strange...I'm terrified of dying from disease, but not from suicide. Am I afraid of death or what?
I don't want to live right now. I don't want to kill myself, I just don't want to live right now. I wish I could kill myself.
I'm confused. I make contradictions. I feel a little better now. I get too upset. My emotions explode.
No, I don't want to live right now. Don't want to die, but don't want to live. Can't kill self cuz Mom will be super upset if I died. Can I just pretend that my Mom wouldn't be upset?
It's almost 3 pm right now. I don't want to go to sleep. I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow. I feel like I should kill myself because that's the right thing to do and I don't want to live anymore. I can't face life. I can't face it.
I'm a horrible person. I'm being manipulative by writing I don't want to live. I don't deserve to live. I wish I could die. I wish people wouldn't be upset by my death. I don't want to upset people. I think the way I want to die is fairly painless. Will I kill myself? Who knows? I don't know.
Ok, I feel a little better now. I probably won't kill myself anytime soon.
Deneb*
Posted by annierose on February 6, 2007, at 7:17:51
In reply to I feel upset, I'm manipulative, posted by Deneb on February 6, 2007, at 0:55:57
All we can do on this board is suggest you get professional help. We do support you in this effort to find a therapist that you can work with on a weekly basis to help you with your feelings.
Deneb - you are sad and anxious. Seeing a p-doc is not the same as an on-going relationship with a skilled psychologist. These feelings usually don't magically untangle themselves on their own. It's a TON of HARD work. You are young. Don't you deserve a better life now and brighter future?
These feelings seem to ebb and flow.
Recognize that we cannot help you feel better. Only Deneb can make the decision to call for REAL help with a therapist. I hope you decide to get yourself help. You are a kind person with a loving heart.
Posted by sunnydays on February 6, 2007, at 9:20:37
In reply to I feel upset, I'm manipulative, posted by Deneb on February 6, 2007, at 0:55:57
(((((((((((((((Deneb))))))))))))))))))
I think the post you just wrote was soooo not manipulative. You did very well at expressing how upset you are without putting blame on other people. I'm so so sorry you're so upset. I wish I could give you a big giant hug and tell you everything would be all right. Babble hugs will have to do, I guess.
(((((((((((((Deneb)))))))))))))
sunnydays
Posted by Fallsfall on February 6, 2007, at 9:27:17
In reply to I feel upset, I'm manipulative, posted by Deneb on February 6, 2007, at 0:55:57
To me, statements or actions are manipulative if they force someone to do something. So that the person's response is not really a choice that person is making. If you stop being manipulative, the person can still respond the same way, but their response becomes something that they choose to do, rather than something that they feel that they have no choice but to do.
I have a friend who went to the hospital frequently, and I was usually the person who took her there. Sometimes she was manipulative and sometimes she was not.
She was manipulative when she said "I'm going to go home and get drunk because my life isn't worth living". She was on psych meds and shouldn't be drinking, she also knew that her getting drunk was something that I wouldn't tolerate - and her drinking became a kind of shorthand for us. If she talked about drinking she was slipping down the slope. When she told me she was going to go get drunk, she wasn't asking me to do anything. She was simply telling me what her plans were. But she KNEW that I WOULD take action (either talk to her until she felt better, or take her alcohol away, or take her to the hospital) when she said that. So she was counting on the fact that I loved her to make me take some particular action.
There were other times when she would say "Falls, I'm really miserable and I need a friend". When she said that, I would talk to her, and help her decide if she needed to go to the hospital. But this was completely different from the other times because she was ASKING for what she needed. She was identifying what would help her and asking for the help.
When she was manipulative it was like a game: what could she say to make me do whatever it was that she wanted? What buttons could she push to make me figure out what she needed?
I guess for me, the difference is whether she tricked me into doing what she wanted, or if she asked me to do what she wanted. Either way, she got what she wanted. But when she was manipulative I had no control over my actions. When she asked me, I was more than willing to do the same things.
So I guess that I would advise you to try to figure out what you hope people's reactions will be. If you say you want to kill yourself, then what is it that you want someone else to do? I used to do this by fantasizing about what would happen if I *did* do the thing - what reaction would I want other people to have? What could they do that would make me feel better. This can be really hard to figure out - and a therapist is a good person to help you with this. Once you figure out what you want people to do, then just ask them to do that. Say "I want someone to tell me that they care enough about me to stay up all night with me". or "I want someone to think about me every day". or "I want someone to understand how much I'm hurting right now", or whatever it is. Once you identify what it is that you need, you have a much better chance of getting it. Or if it is something that is impossible, at least you know what it is that you need, and can try to figure out a different way to get it.
I used to pick at my arm when I was distressed. I wanted people to recognize how bad things were for me. Eventually, I figured out that when I started picking at my arm, that I was upset about something. So I could start to figure out what it was that I was upset about, and I could start to do something to make that thing less upsetting. I learned to feel the urge to pick and make a conscious decision to talk to my therapist until I could figure out what was bothering me. I learned to ask for help instead of picking. And things are a LOT easier now. I still feel like picking sometimes, but when I do, I stop and say "OK. What is bothering me?" Once I figure out what is bothering me, I don't feel the need to pick anymore.
Good luck, Deneb.
((((Deneb))))
Posted by frida on February 6, 2007, at 9:42:59
In reply to Re: I feel upset, I'm manipulative » Deneb, posted by Fallsfall on February 6, 2007, at 9:27:17
Dear Deneb,
I am really sorry you are so upset..
I honestly think you should have a T..It's not the same as a pdoc, it's a different thing, and you can benefit greatly from that relationship. I think it would be helpful to you to have someone on a regular basis who could help you...I understand feelings of despair..
I sometimes fall into a state of despair and horrible feelings in which I feel I shouldn't live anymore, I'm horrible, I have no control, etc..but what helps me is to be able to talk or at least have someone to help me through this so I can stop going through those moments...if it weren't for my T those moments would be more out of control for me.
Maybe you could consider the idea...you deserve it..a real change...not just a way to tolerate this and continue. What I see is that you are hurting a lot and find it difficult to find control when these feelings take over - (I mean all this in a compassionate, understanding way)...
We all need support and love and to feel we matter...
but sometimes we need to take a little step for ourselves..like finding the help that we really need..I would encourage you so much to find a T. I've been in a similar place and it does help a lot. Please consider it...
You are worthwhile.
Frida
Posted by Gee on February 6, 2007, at 10:02:30
In reply to I feel upset, I'm manipulative, posted by Deneb on February 6, 2007, at 0:55:57
Deneb, didn't last night in chat we all suggest that you talk to your T about this stuff today? Because really, while we'll support you here, she's the best one to help you become the person we all know you could be.
Posted by Honore on February 6, 2007, at 10:42:55
In reply to Re: I feel upset, I'm manipulative, posted by Gee on February 6, 2007, at 10:02:30
Deneb, we all care about you a lot, because you have a very good heart.
You're a good person through and through.
These manipulations do not = "You"--
they are cries for help that don't work, because you've learned patterns of being with people that aren't helping you now, in new relationships outside of your family.
I'm sure these patterns were necessary when you were younger, and you learned them. Now it's very very hard to change-- but you're young, you CAN do this.
It's a struggle, with lots of ups and downs. But you can do it--because you want to. You work at it. And most important, as I was saying, you have a very very good heart.
Don't give up. Sometimes when you're about to make a change, it gets harder and all the old patterns suddenly rise up and seem so much more entrapping.
You do need a T, not a pdoc, who can't be reached outside office hours, and who doesn't encourage you to get DBT-- or some other type of in-depth therapy.
I hope you can tell your pdoc, in a way that she can hear that you --Deneb-- need an Therapist who specializes in Therapy, not a pdoc, as helpful as she may be.
You can do it.
Honore
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on February 6, 2007, at 11:45:54
In reply to I feel upset, I'm manipulative, posted by Deneb on February 6, 2007, at 0:55:57
> I don't know how to act so people won't think I'm manipulative. I always write the wrong things.
Deneb, you need to actually *not* be manipulative - then people won't think you're manipulative. Its not the same as being manipulative but pretending to hide it by saying the right things in the right way. Its not a question of acting a certain way, its a question of being a certain way.
Posted by Deneb on February 6, 2007, at 12:25:26
In reply to Re: I feel upset, I'm manipulative, posted by Meri-Tuuli on February 6, 2007, at 11:45:54
> > I don't know how to act so people won't think I'm manipulative. I always write the wrong things.
>
> Deneb, you need to actually *not* be manipulative - then people won't think you're manipulative. Its not the same as being manipulative but pretending to hide it by saying the right things in the right way. Its not a question of acting a certain way, its a question of being a certain way.I don't know how to be a better person. I think I need to die. Babble is better off without me. I'm not changing fast enough for people. As long as I'm alive I will continue to hurt others. I'm sad. I know Babble will be a better place if I were dead. I can't leave Babble as long as I'm alive. If I want to do the right thing I should kill myself. I will never become a good person. I will continue to hurt others as long as I'm alive. The most unselfish thing I can do would be to kill myself and spare others from my manipulations. I'm hopeless. I don't want to hurt others. If I kill myself it will prove my good intentions. I can't change fast enough. People will be sad for a short while, but they would get over it. I need to stop thinking of myself. I need to think of others.
Posted by frida on February 6, 2007, at 12:39:53
In reply to Re: I feel upset, *******triggers*********, posted by Deneb on February 6, 2007, at 12:25:26
Dear Deneb,
what would make people here happy is if you got real help..People care about you and just want you to get help.
Killing yourself is not the option, getting help is...
I wish you could find a T...
is that an option for you?love,
Frida
Posted by gardenergirl on February 6, 2007, at 12:47:36
In reply to Re: I feel upset, *******triggers*********, posted by Deneb on February 6, 2007, at 12:25:26
Deneb,
If you are feeling suicidal, you need to tell someone IRL. If you have a plan and access to a plan, that makes this an emergency situation. You need to tell someone and to not be alone.So if that's the case, stop reading and go tell someone right now. A parent. Your pdoc. A crisis worker. An emergency services worker. Whoever can arrange for you to be with someone at all times until you can get whatever treatment is necessary to reduce these feelings to a more manageable and less urgent level.
I care.
namaste
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on February 6, 2007, at 13:15:15
In reply to Re: I feel upset, *******triggers*********, posted by Deneb on February 6, 2007, at 12:25:26
Deneb,
If you're feeling so bad and upset that you have suicidal ideation, but no intent, no plan, and no access to a plan, then the issue is to deal with the upset feelings to soothe them in whatever way works best. Again, those in real life will be more immediately and long-term effective than this board can be. And if you're reading this and you're in danger of hurting yourself, again, stop reading and go tell someone.
If not, below are the associations and reactions I had to your post.
> > > I don't know how to act so people won't think I'm manipulative. I always write the wrong things.
Deneb, you have no control over what others might think. There is no specific thing you could write that could guarantee that no one ever could think you're manipulative or not manipulative. It's not within your control. It's not within my control. It's only within the control of the person doing the thinking. Wouldn't it seem a lot easier for you if you didn't work so hard to effect something that is not at all within your control?
> I don't know how to be a better person.
You can only be you, Deneb. I don't know how you define being a "better person", but that sounds like some end goal that doesn't allow for any credit for the present and for progress to date. Are you being the best Deneb you can be today, given all that you are today? That's all we have and all we can do. I don't believe it matters one whit what anyone else says would be "better" for you. If it's not what you want, and you are okay with what you do want and all that may accompany it, that's what's important.
> I think I need to die. Babble is better off without me.
Those are two statements which are not connected. If you are connecting them, i.e. "Babble would be better off, [therefore] I need to die, that's a faulty assumption. There's no way to measure "better off". Also, I think you might be giving more weight to the feelings and thoughts you perceive from some versus the entire community, which would not be objective.
> I'm not changing fast enough for people.
There's no timetable or deadline. You can only go at your pace. Are you changing fast enough for you? Are you changing in the direction you wish to? Do you have a plan for this change, and if so, is it working the way you want it to?
I'm not saying that others might not feel frustrated or angry. But those are *their* feelings. Even if someone were to directly connect those feelings to your behavior, they are *their* feelings, and thus, not your responsibility. Others feelings are not within your control. There is nothing you could write or do which could guarantee that someone might feel differently than they do or they way you wish they would feel. It's not within your control. Again, wouldn't interpersonal interaction be a lot easier knowing what is and what is not within your control?
> As long as I'm alive I will continue to hurt others. I'm sad. I know Babble will be a better place if I were dead. I can't leave Babble as long as I'm alive. If I want to do the right thing I should kill myself. I will never become a good person. I will continue to hurt others as long as I'm alive.
Those are all faulty assumptions and/or examples of black/white thinking. Taking action based on faulty assumptions usually leads to negative outcomes. Think scientifically, Deneb. What is the evidence for and against each of those statements. Where do those hypotheses come from, anyway? Do they come from something objective and real or from an assumption or subjective interpretation? Which would be the better scientific process to determine any action?
> The most unselfish thing I can do would be to kill myself
I strongly disagree. I view suicide as the most selfish act.
> and spare others from my manipulations.
Whether you manipulate someone else or not, it's their responsibility to handle their response to any interpersonal interaction. We all face all kinds of interpersonal challenges in communicating with others, and it's up to us how we handle them and any affective response we might have. So again, whether or not you do act in a way which maniuplates others, the only thing you can take responsibility for being able to affect is your own behavior--NOT their feelings or responses.
> I'm hopeless.
There's always hope. If you can't feel it right now, hang onto mine.
> I don't want to hurt others.
I believe you.
> If I kill myself it will prove my good intentions.
No. It would prove nothing meaningful. It might suggest you gave up. But it would have nothing to do with what you said and did in the past, so proving any intention would have nothing to do with it. And there would be no future, so any intentions for the future would mean nothing, as well.
> I can't change fast enough.
There's no deadline.
> I need to stop thinking of myself. I need to think of others.
Thinking about suicide is not thinking of others. It's about the most personal thing there can be.
From what I can see, your upset is rooted in faulty thinking. That's one approach to soothing upset. There are many others, and gobs of them have been posted on these boards throughout the years. I encourage you to explore and to try out a new technique to see if it helps a little.
(((Deneb)))
namaste
gg
Posted by Deneb on February 6, 2007, at 15:57:17
In reply to Re: I feel upset, *******triggers*********longer » Deneb, posted by gardenergirl on February 6, 2007, at 13:15:15
> Deneb,
>
> If you're feeling so bad and upset that you have suicidal ideation, but no intent, no plan, and no access to a plan, then the issue is to deal with the upset feelings to soothe them in whatever way works best. Again, those in real life will be more immediately and long-term effective than this board can be. And if you're reading this and you're in danger of hurting yourself, again, stop reading and go tell someone.I went to buy a rope, but there weren't any for sale. I'm OK. I just had an appointment with my pdoc. I cried the entire time. I told her about my suicidal thoughts. I can't kill myself because I would hurt my Mom very much if I did. Also gg, you're right, killing myself would be a selfish thing to do. I can't fix anything if I'm dead. I can't make things right again. I think I'm OK for the most part. I'm just really unstable right now.
My pdoc told me to drop my classes. It's not worth the stress. She told me to drop them and then we'll see if that helps. If it doesn't help she's going to change my medication. She told me to get a part-time job that isn't stressful.
I asked about DBT. She said she didn't recommend it for me because it involves group work and I'm not ready for group work. She said she was worried the group work would stress me out. She told me the therapy we are doing is DBT. She told me to buy Linehan's Workbook and read that and go through the exercises.
If not, below are the associations and reactions I had to your post.
>
> > > > I don't know how to act so people won't think I'm manipulative. I always write the wrong things.
>
> Deneb, you have no control over what others might think. There is no specific thing you could write that could guarantee that no one ever could think you're manipulative or not manipulative. It's not within your control. It's not within my control. It's only within the control of the person doing the thinking. Wouldn't it seem a lot easier for you if you didn't work so hard to effect something that is not at all within your control?You're right gg. I can't control what others think. No matter what I do people still might think I'm being manipulative. Also just because they think I'm being manipulative doesn't mean my intent was to be manipulative. I have never ever once thought of being manipulative on purpose. I don't set out to manipulate people on purpose.
>
> > I don't know how to be a better person.
>
> You can only be you, Deneb. I don't know how you define being a "better person", but that sounds like some end goal that doesn't allow for any credit for the present and for progress to date. Are you being the best Deneb you can be today, given all that you are today? That's all we have and all we can do. I don't believe it matters one whit what anyone else says would be "better" for you. If it's not what you want, and you are okay with what you do want and all that may accompany it, that's what's important.I think I'm doing the best I can. It's difficult to think of others when I'm in a bad way. The bad emotions get so so strong I don't handle it very well.
>
> > I think I need to die. Babble is better off without me.
>
> Those are two statements which are not connected. If you are connecting them, i.e. "Babble would be better off, [therefore] I need to die, that's a faulty assumption. There's no way to measure "better off". Also, I think you might be giving more weight to the feelings and thoughts you perceive from some versus the entire community, which would not be objective.I'm not very objective about certain things. I focus on the negative. When I think someone doesn't like me I think the world doesn't like me. Everything is black and white. Either everyone likes me or everyone hates me.
>
> > I'm not changing fast enough for people.
>
> There's no timetable or deadline. You can only go at your pace. Are you changing fast enough for you? Are you changing in the direction you wish to? Do you have a plan for this change, and if so, is it working the way you want it to?I think I was going in the right direction for a long time, but recently I've been going backwards. My plan for change is to continue seeing my pdoc and to try to apply the things I learn.
>
> I'm not saying that others might not feel frustrated or angry. But those are *their* feelings. Even if someone were to directly connect those feelings to your behavior, they are *their* feelings, and thus, not your responsibility. Others feelings are not within your control. There is nothing you could write or do which could guarantee that someone might feel differently than they do or they way you wish they would feel. It's not within your control. Again, wouldn't interpersonal interaction be a lot easier knowing what is and what is not within your control?I just hate making others feel frustrated and angry. I just wish I didn't do that. I know I can't control how others feel, but my words can hurt others.
>
> > As long as I'm alive I will continue to hurt others. I'm sad. I know Babble will be a better place if I were dead. I can't leave Babble as long as I'm alive. If I want to do the right thing I should kill myself. I will never become a good person. I will continue to hurt others as long as I'm alive.
>
> Those are all faulty assumptions and/or examples of black/white thinking. Taking action based on faulty assumptions usually leads to negative outcomes. Think scientifically, Deneb. What is the evidence for and against each of those statements. Where do those hypotheses come from, anyway? Do they come from something objective and real or from an assumption or subjective interpretation? Which would be the better scientific process to determine any action?You're right. I have a lot of distortions in my thinking. I don't always hurt others. I do good things sometimes.
>
> > The most unselfish thing I can do would be to kill myself
>
> I strongly disagree. I view suicide as the most selfish act.
>
> > and spare others from my manipulations.
>
> Whether you manipulate someone else or not, it's their responsibility to handle their response to any interpersonal interaction. We all face all kinds of interpersonal challenges in communicating with others, and it's up to us how we handle them and any affective response we might have. So again, whether or not you do act in a way which maniuplates others, the only thing you can take responsibility for being able to affect is your own behavior--NOT their feelings or responses.I know I need to change my behaviour. I'm just afraid I will never change and continue to hurt others.
>
> > I'm hopeless.
>
> There's always hope. If you can't feel it right now, hang onto mine.Thanks gg. I'll hang on tight.
>
> > I don't want to hurt others.
>
> I believe you.
>
> > If I kill myself it will prove my good intentions.
>
> No. It would prove nothing meaningful. It might suggest you gave up. But it would have nothing to do with what you said and did in the past, so proving any intention would have nothing to do with it. And there would be no future, so any intentions for the future would mean nothing, as well.You're right. No one can tell what my intentions are. If I kill myself I'll also hurt others. People might think my intention was to hurt others.
>
> > I can't change fast enough.
>
> There's no deadline.
>
> > I need to stop thinking of myself. I need to think of others.
>
> Thinking about suicide is not thinking of others. It's about the most personal thing there can be.I need to think about helping others. If I kill myself people would no longer be hurt by me, but I won't be able to make things right. It all depends now on whether or not I think I can make things right.
>
> From what I can see, your upset is rooted in faulty thinking. That's one approach to soothing upset. There are many others, and gobs of them have been posted on these boards throughout the years. I encourage you to explore and to try out a new technique to see if it helps a little.
>
> (((Deneb)))
>
> namaste
>
> gg
>Thanks gg ((((((((((((gg)))))))))))))) You really helped me. I feel a little better now. I'm most probably not going to kill myself. I don't want to be selfish.
Deneb*
>
Posted by madeline on February 6, 2007, at 16:35:17
In reply to I feel upset, I'm manipulative, posted by Deneb on February 6, 2007, at 0:55:57
What happened with your calls about DBT? You seemed very hopeful about that.
Maddie
Posted by MidnightBlue on February 6, 2007, at 17:28:56
In reply to Re: I feel upset, *******triggers*********longer » gardenergirl, posted by Deneb on February 6, 2007, at 15:57:17
Deneb,
Here is a suggestion I think you can do. Each day do at least TWO nice things. One for yourself and one for someone else.
That can be as simple has washing your face and combing your hair for the nice thing for yourself. For someone else, you might try to smile at someone or hold the door open for them or give them a compliment.
When you are feeling better you can try to do something more difficult like maybe run an errand for someone. I'm sure if you look around you will find someone sad, tired, old, or discouraged who could use a little lift. You can be that lift for that person.
Take care,
MidnightBlue
Posted by sunnydays on February 6, 2007, at 17:42:05
In reply to Re: I feel upset, *******triggers*********, posted by Deneb on February 6, 2007, at 12:25:26
Deneb - did you read my post to you above? Reread it. You are doing just fine. You don't need to die. Take deep breaths, curl up in that cozy new blanket your mom bought you, and do something you really like. Read a book, watch tv.... whatever will get you through.
(((((Deneb))))
sunnydays
Posted by Dinah on February 6, 2007, at 18:26:07
In reply to Re: I feel upset, *******triggers*********longer » gardenergirl, posted by Deneb on February 6, 2007, at 15:57:17
I'm pretty cautious myself about "group work", but my understanding is that DBT is designed specifically for the things you're talking about, and therefore the groups would be designed for people more or less in the same place you are.
But we all know that the world is not ideal, and perhaps your therapist knows something about how local groups are designed that make her believe they aren't ideally suited for you.
There are no outpatient groups in our area, so I did read the manual on my own and tried to work on it with my therapist.
Did your pdoc suggest more frequent meetings while you're not feeling well? My therapist has seen me nearly daily when I'm at my worst. Is she associated with your university? Does she have any rules about how often she can see you?
Posted by muffled on February 6, 2007, at 18:33:48
In reply to Re: I feel upset, *******triggers*********longer » gardenergirl, posted by Deneb on February 6, 2007, at 15:57:17
Deneb your twirling down the crazy road. I used to do that alot. Just know that this crazy feelings and their consuming intensity WILL PASS.
THEY WILL PASS.
It just gets all nuts and hard to think.
So try and find a calmer part of yourself.
And its gonna be OK.
You can and will chill out.
I seen you do it before.
You getting good at it.
I'd miss your funniness in chat Deneb, so you better stick around.
It gets better, beleive me , it does.
Sometimes we move forward, sometimes we fall back again, but we ever creeping ahead, and I can see that you getting ahead Deneb.
Take care
muffled
Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 6, 2007, at 22:14:30
In reply to Re: I feel upset, *******triggers*********longer, posted by muffled on February 6, 2007, at 18:33:48
Hey Deneb,
is there a place in your world where you can distract yourself safely when you feel "upset" and start the twirly-dance that muffled described above?Self-soothing is really important skill to develop.
I KNOW in my heart that you really really really ARE trying hard to change. That is why I think you are cool. That is why I want to meet you IRL someday, and also why I have warm babble-love towards you.
Worried about being manipulative? Worried about being or not being a particular kind of person? That must be agony. I think you've got a strong streak of self-destructive-Deneb in you. You start listening to the self-destructive-Deneb too much and you will start to spiral into feelings of distress and despair, and the world won't make any sense, and there is no other way out--- BUT you have to be extra careful to listen to the other voice too. There is a voice of Caring-Deneb. Caring-Deneb has told LlurpsieNoodle on occasion that she loves me (that was so special ((((hugs in my heart)))). Caring-Deneb has warm feelings for Dr. Bob, and for many psycho-babblers.
Your real challenge is to listen to Caring-Deneb even when she's really really scared and barely whispering while Self-Destructive-Deneb is demanding that you give in to your misery.
Listening to that Caring-Deneb voice will save you every time. She is ALWAYS there. You just have to listen.
Here is a little list of things that helps me listen to my Caring-Llurpsie voice
1) post supportive things to random folks on psycho-babble. Hard to destroy myself while supporting others. This is definitely a case of 'tis better to give than to recieve.
2) distract DISTRACT!!! have a movie on hand, pop it in your DVD player, and DISTRACT!!!
3) warm relaxing bath, with body butter
4) find a safe nook in your room. Make it your designated "safe place". Go hide there when Caring-Deneb gets too quiet. Your safe place can be bed (that's my safe place). Or in your closet, or on the couch. Make it cozy and warm. Allow Caring-Deneb to decorate it for you when she is feeling strong
5) Dr. Bob needs a scarf BAD. it's friggin' cold, and if he won't accept it, you can donate it to a shelter for people who need scarves.
6) Dr. Bob needs a hat too. His hair doesn't even touch his ears. they are out in the cold. poor Dr. Bob's ears.
7) Make a list of everyone who you love. keep it close and use it as self defense against dark feelings. Make a list of everyone who loves you. LlurpsieNoodle's on that list. I hope I have one of the longer names... :)
8) Make a calendar out of sparkles and glitter "days until babble-fest 2007" It will be AWESOME.
9) you fill in # 9 and #10 with your own ideas
The main point is that upset comes from nowhere and can lead you to a very desperate place if you indulge it. But if you deny it, by distracting yourself, etc, you can save yourself a lot of distress.You're still working very hard on this stuff. Can you think of some things that you've done recently in therapy that you feel good about? Can you think of something that made you feel good about yourself? Those are all little milestones that you're making PROGRESS.
sure is hard to keep track, though. I wish therapists gave out report cards with gold stars. oh well...
*gold* *stars* *for* *you*
love,
Llurps
Posted by Deneb on February 7, 2007, at 21:11:44
In reply to Re: I feel upset, I'm manipulative » Deneb, posted by madeline on February 6, 2007, at 16:35:17
> What happened with your calls about DBT? You seemed very hopeful about that.
>
> MaddieI asked my pdoc about DBT. She doesn't think it's for me because it involves group work. I'm a really quiet and socially anxious person so she thinks it will give me more stress to be in a group.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on February 7, 2007, at 21:12:24
In reply to Re: I feel upset, *******triggers*********longer » Deneb, posted by MidnightBlue on February 6, 2007, at 17:28:56
> Deneb,
>
> Here is a suggestion I think you can do. Each day do at least TWO nice things. One for yourself and one for someone else.That's a good idea. Thanks.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on February 7, 2007, at 21:13:27
In reply to Re: I feel upset, *******triggers*********, posted by sunnydays on February 6, 2007, at 17:42:05
Thanks (((((sunnydays)))))
> Deneb - did you read my post to you above? Reread it. You are doing just fine. You don't need to die. Take deep breaths, curl up in that cozy new blanket your mom bought you, and do something you really like. Read a book, watch tv.... whatever will get you through.
>
> (((((Deneb))))
>
> sunnydays
Posted by Deneb on February 7, 2007, at 21:15:03
In reply to Re: I feel upset, *******triggers*********longer » Deneb, posted by Dinah on February 6, 2007, at 18:26:07
> Did your pdoc suggest more frequent meetings while you're not feeling well? My therapist has seen me nearly daily when I'm at my worst. Is she associated with your university? Does she have any rules about how often she can see you?
She sees me once a week now. I'm not sure whether she can see me more often. Yes she's associated with the university.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on February 7, 2007, at 21:16:36
In reply to Re: I feel upset, *******triggers*********longer, posted by muffled on February 6, 2007, at 18:33:48
Thanks (((((Muffled)))))
I know the bad feelings are only temporary.
Deneb*
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.