Posted by Estella on May 15, 2006, at 4:49:46
In reply to Re: little bit of pain..., posted by Estella on May 15, 2006, at 4:37:23
and it will be nice to talk to my t
to be able to talk to somebody here
without having to put on a happy face
or not go in because i can't put on a happy facei'm technically disabled
and people don't get that...
'cause i worked so hard...
so hard...
to be able to walk without crutches
to be able to walk at ordinary walking pace
and yeah i've told them
about the plates and stuff
car crash i said
what was i supposed to say?
but someone here used to be a GP and he came into the conversation late
and he said 'wow you must have fallen off one hell of a height'
and i just blushed
and probably looked like i was going to cry
(is it that obvious? i guess it is)
and he said 'sorry - too personal' and looked a little embarrassed
and i don't think anybody believes me...
and i'm a liar anyways.
but i can't tell them the truth...
and i hack up stuff...
i can't have had 'a touch of the flu'
for two years straight...
i'm probably on my way to getting lung cancer
or bronchitus
or emphesema or something
and my back...
i can't stand / sit up straight
part of it is self esteem
i think i've always stooped
'cause i feel like i'm oversize
a gigantic elephant
so i think i've always stooped
and hung my head a little
but i fractured my back
and maybe what happened...
is that it has set.
and so i get a bit of back pain
and i can't seem to sit up straight
without looking / feeling
really very unnatural and uncomfortable
physically and mentally
and my feet are deformed...
and i've got SI scars on my arms
the ones on my upper arms...
well it is obvious they are self inflicted
but when people ask (as they do as they do)
i say 'car crash'
and they know i'm a liar.
and my skin is getting old...
'cause i eat too much convenience sh*t
'cause i smoke so much
'cause i live off coke and never drink waterearly grave...
was what i wanted...i hope it isn't painful
i hope it isn't painful
i hope it isn't more painful than this.why do i feel so sad???
poster:Estella
thread:644153
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20060331/msgs/644159.html