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Re: little bit of pain...

Posted by Estella on May 15, 2006, at 4:32:59

In reply to little bit of pain..., posted by Estella on May 15, 2006, at 4:28:34

i hope its not a painful death
i'd just like to go to sleep and never wake up
sometimes the world...
just feels too cold.
too cold for some
others see opportunities
opportunities and choices
and they can fairly much do whatever they want to do
i'm not used to choices
not really used to opportunities either
and fear
the fear
even when there are options and choices
i'm terrified...
terrified of doing things on my own.
and...
i'm all alone in the world.
really.

and mothers day...
brought it all back home.
and i felt quite nauseous after the mother
after the step mother
i am better off away from there
but even here
i can't run away from myself
i can't leave the past sh*t behind
and i don't know that there is any hope for me
and i don't know what it is that i want
what it is that i need
to get better.
i don't know how to get better.
it is too scarey.
too scarey to do scarey stuff.
brings back the terror of being a kid
of being a teenager
so scarey
life can be too scarey sometimes
too scarey for me :-(


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poster:Estella thread:644153
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20060331/msgs/644155.html