Posted by jujube on September 24, 2004, at 8:28:16
In reply to Re: Day something more than Four » Mistermindmasta, posted by partlycloudy on September 24, 2004, at 7:27:37
Partlycloudy,
I can related to what you are going through. I, too, spent my last years of active alcoholism drinking in isolation. I hid my booze, drank before I went out with friends or family or after I can home from a night out, etc. I was 34 when I finally quit drinking (after a few attempts of trying to control my drinking and staying sober for two or three month stretches just to prove to myself that I really didn't have problem). When I stopped drinking, I experienced such unbearable anxiety and fear I thought I would never get over it. I had gone to a counsellor just after I stopped drinking and told her that I thought I had a drinking problem. She looked at me, rolled her eyes and told me that I certainly did not have a problem (I guess I had not given her enough of the gorey details to convince her). And, on the surface, it probably did seem like I didn't have a problem (I never missed a day of work, was never late for work, still able to work long hours and produce enormous amonths of work, etc.). Yet, I was drinking every night and all weekend. About a month into my sobriety, I was put on Paxil (the first AD I had ever been put on) and given a very small prescription for Xanax to help with the anxiety until the Paxil kicked in. After the initial few weeks of side effects, I started to feel better. The anxiety and fear were subsiding, and I started going to meetings just to get me out of the house. That was 8 1/2 years ago and I haven't looked back. Paxil for me was a charm. I know a lot of people don't like it, but for me it worked and worked well. I regained my energy and starting sleeping better than I had in years. I did gain some weight, but I needed to since I really didn't eat that much when I was drinking.
I am not saying that my sobriety has been a cake walk. Some days, out of the blue, I will think about how nice it would be to have a drink. But, I know now, for me at least, I would just end up where I was 8 1/2 years ago. Hang in there. It does and will get better. Please take good care of yourself.
> I detoxed myself from daily use of alcohol about 6 years ago. Since that time I have experienced worsening depressive periods, at which times I have self medicated with drinking. Now I have anxiety and panic attacks which had been getting better but are now back with a vengeance, taking up about a third of my day.
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> When I started to self medicate, the world as they know me was not aware of it. I hid my booze in my closet, or replaced what I drank out of the liquor cabinet - things I didn't bother to do when I was drinking professionally. So I added a huge dose of guilt onto the guilt I allow myself to experience every day anyway.
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> I underwent EMDR therapy for this solo drinking behaviour. It happens when I'm alone. My spouse travels frequently for work and when I come home to an empty house, I had been making a beeline for a drink, forgoing meals and saving the calories for my drinking. I would wait for my husband to take a nap on the weekends, then go up and sneak a drink.
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> THis current chronicle I've been posting here is my result of that treatment. I think this is more of a psychological withdrawl (from what I remember of my homemade detox), and the anxiety is excrutiating. What makes it worse is knowing that a drink would not even help.
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> I see my p-doc and therapist next week to reevaluate my meds. I'm experiencing hormonal stuff at the same time and if you find a sizeable rock, I would gladly crawl under it for at least a week.
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> Sorry, probably far more than you ever wanted to know about me, but I'm trying to figure out what is really happening to me.
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> pc
poster:jujube
thread:391514
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20040722/msgs/394466.html