Posted by partlycloudy on September 24, 2004, at 7:27:37
In reply to Re: Day something more than Four, posted by Mistermindmasta on September 23, 2004, at 16:12:01
I detoxed myself from daily use of alcohol about 6 years ago. Since that time I have experienced worsening depressive periods, at which times I have self medicated with drinking. Now I have anxiety and panic attacks which had been getting better but are now back with a vengeance, taking up about a third of my day.
When I started to self medicate, the world as they know me was not aware of it. I hid my booze in my closet, or replaced what I drank out of the liquor cabinet - things I didn't bother to do when I was drinking professionally. So I added a huge dose of guilt onto the guilt I allow myself to experience every day anyway.
I underwent EMDR therapy for this solo drinking behaviour. It happens when I'm alone. My spouse travels frequently for work and when I come home to an empty house, I had been making a beeline for a drink, forgoing meals and saving the calories for my drinking. I would wait for my husband to take a nap on the weekends, then go up and sneak a drink.
THis current chronicle I've been posting here is my result of that treatment. I think this is more of a psychological withdrawl (from what I remember of my homemade detox), and the anxiety is excrutiating. What makes it worse is knowing that a drink would not even help.
I see my p-doc and therapist next week to reevaluate my meds. I'm experiencing hormonal stuff at the same time and if you find a sizeable rock, I would gladly crawl under it for at least a week.
Sorry, probably far more than you ever wanted to know about me, but I'm trying to figure out what is really happening to me.
pc
poster:partlycloudy
thread:391514
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20040722/msgs/394446.html