Posted by jujube on September 21, 2004, at 10:00:18
In reply to Why I think this is hard right now » antigua, posted by partlycloudy on September 21, 2004, at 7:44:53
Don't give up, and try not to despair (easier said than done). I have been where you are. I drank for years (starting in my teens), and got to a point where I was drinking every night (and not just a couple of glasses of wine), and binge drinking all weekend long. For a few years, I told myself I didn't have a problem. I even did the old alcholic test of controlling my drinking and was successful (three months here, two months there - see, I didn't have a problem right - WRONG). After each dry period, the pattern would start again. Like you, I spent the hour or so before I left work thinking about where I would get my supplies for the evening, always making sure I didn't go to the same place more than once in a week (wouldn't want them to think I had a problem - LOL). Although I did not lose anything from my drinking (I hid it pretty well -never drank during the day during working hours), I finally hit bottom. That was 8 1/2 years ago. I stopped drinking, thinking it was just to give myself a break. Boy, did I go through a period of extreme anxiety at this time (I also stopped a 10+ cup coffee dependence and stopped using the over-the-counter medication (which contained a stimulant) that I had been using daily for years. When I was 2 months sober, I called AA and went to my first meeting. I went to meetings twice a day for two months and then at least three times a week after that. I have not had a drink since. Sometimes I wish I could drink socially, but I know that if I have that first drink, it will be a slow spiral to where I was 8 1/2 years ago. I can't kid myself. I am at a point now that I am happy to be sober. I even carry all of my chips (including my "desire" chip in my purse to remind me of my accomplishment. I don't get down on myself like I used to when I was drinking. I am not worried and paranoid, and I wake up in the morning with a relatively clear head and no upset stomach or shakiness. It does get better, so hang in there, go to meetings and talk to people. Sorry for rambling, and I hope what I have said makes sense. Take good care.
> My depression has flared up seriously for the first time in a year. Once again I'm at that horrible place where you feel like you'll never stop crying, never feel like a regular person, and I guess I look at myself not sneaking any drinks and in my present state of mind, say, "so bloody what?"
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> I do like feeling better when I wake up in the morning. I am happy I'm not getting headaches. I am upset by the anxiety and panic I'm experiencing again, and what I'll have to try next. As if all the issues I resolved in my EMDR treatment have just allowed other ones to take their place.
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> Thanks all for listening and your unwavering support. It really does help.
> pc
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poster:jujube
thread:391514
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20040722/msgs/393322.html