Posted by beatrix34 on July 18, 2004, at 21:13:45
In reply to Re: Familiar vs the unknown Anti and » 2ndXround, posted by antigua on July 18, 2004, at 0:14:48
Hi there -
I am sorry that things are so tough right now for you too. I would definitely say that you should try to let her know how you are feeling. This is the only way that she is going to learn to recognise that her issues are dirived from her own decisions, and they aren't solely your responsibility. If you continue to "help" her out of these situations you are only enablig her behavior, which is far more detrimental to her well-being and her future than letting her feelings get hurt in the present. When I got clean my parents asked me if I thought I needed help, then they suggested that I call my doctor to start my delve into rehab. I did this as well as talked to my HR dept and asked them to fund the rehab with company insurance, which they did. These events were some of the hardest things I have had to face (other than my true demons of the past), but they were also some of the best lessons I learned. I took responsibility for myself and admitted that my addiction and recovery were up to me. Please know that any harsh feelings that come from the initial confrontations with you daughter are sure to pass as she gets clean and takes herlife into her own hands.
Have you ever been to Nar-Anon or Al-Anon? These would be good support groups for you to attend to figure out the lines between caring for and enabling your daughter's behavior. They can give you the support you need to let her discover herself and start to help you get yourself back at the same time.
It seems that both you daughter and your husband place a lot of blame on your shoulders. It's no suprise that you tend to put that blame on yourself too...I think that's a natural response. Nar-Anon or Al-Anon may be some of the best rooms to be in for you through these times.
I hope that things pick up and that you are able to find the strength in yourself to break free of this chaos that is your life right now. It will get better but you too have to make your first steps toward making this happen. Remember, you are not alone with this stuff.
((((2ndXround)))
Bea
poster:beatrix34
thread:363611
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20040604/msgs/367558.html