Posted by 2ndXround on July 7, 2004, at 23:59:06
In reply to Re: 2ndXround...you ok?Thinking of you too (nm), posted by antigua on July 7, 2004, at 13:02:23
Oh My Gosh!!!!!
HI!!!
I was so shocked to see someone had posted to me...not in reply to a post or beause I was asking for advice...but just because, because...well because they were thinking about me...I am in shock (now I have to be careful I don't get the keyboard wet from the tears running down my face)
I'm not exactly moving in the direction I planned. You know how people with addictions always find reason to stop trying and go back to using......I stubbed my toe, It's raining today, My car broke down..
Well, I am in a very unhappy marriage and I used that as my excuse....never mind that I have been in this marriage for 23 years and as far as I was concerned it ended years ago (when my husband ignored our family when our house was full of drugs, stolen cars, guns, police...denied it was happening...said work was more important...never came home) Since I have not had the courage to get a divorce, it seemed like a good excuse to blow my sobriety on.
I encountered another stumbling block when hubby told me to sign, don't bother to read ("Trust me") another loan application. I did that last year and found out I had taken out a personal loan for over $450,000...that he used for his business!
Sometimes I just don't have the strength to fight anymore. It is so hard.
I guess I have to put aside, emotionally, the marriage problem and work on staying straight first. If I do it the other way round I might not have anything by the time I reach sobriety again.
Please....POST again!!!! It gave me strength to realize what I was doing and try again.
THANKYOU
poster:2ndXround
thread:363611
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20040604/msgs/363910.html