Posted by special_k on April 17, 2006, at 0:41:33
In reply to Re: Boundaries with Mothers » special_k, posted by cricket on April 14, 2006, at 10:06:06
well it sounds pretty understandable that you wouldn't have much in the way of attachment to your mother. i could see how you could have decided that you didn't really like her, or that you were a little afraid of her, or that you really didn't think anything much of her. maybe resent her a little... maybe a lot...
did you miss your grandparents when you left?
are they still around?> > i wonder if you go numb sometimes because things would feel too painful otherwise
> Or is it just like my expectations are very low? It does seem like some strange attachment disorder.
i don't think so. i think i understand why you don't have much feeling for your mother. mine didn't really care about me. but she went through the motions for my father. but i really didn't attach to her (though my father said it was just when i started to develop a mind of my own that the trouble started). but i don't feel attached to her.
> Yeah, I've been thinking about that too. Because I really do care about my partner. I want him to be happier, have a bit of an easier time of it and when I see him in pain, I feel it, I really do.sounds like you do care about him. and he will be there for you. and he isn't a psychopath. he sounds sensitive in some respects...
> But I can't seem to express it in the normal human way. It is more distant, less involved. For example, recently he had a problem with his collar bone and his mother oohed and poor babied over him and I didn't at all. But I did give him money to see the doctor.
well if his mother is doing that...
;-)
sounds like you are fairly practical. i'm a bit the same...
> To my partner, his mother's reaction feels like love and mine feels like "shut your trap and do something about it"aw. i think yours is more about if there is a problme then these are the steps to take to fix it.
> And it is that distance, that lack of involvement that I think more than anything makes it so easy for me to accept his affairs.
> My t once said that I was unsentimental. I was afraid that he was calling me cold.i don't think he meant cold...
unsentimental sounds about right (hope you don't mind my saying so)
i'm fairly unsentimental in a lot of respects too.
the romantic ideal of love is sentimental.
i don't really believe in it
(i figure you probably don't either)
maybe that is the kind of thing...
i don't know what to say...
have been having a discussion with pseudoname and others over on psych about transference. interesting. he has been persuading me that the notion is a crock lol.
muffled was asking about you over on psych too.
not trying to persuade you back over there or anything...
just saying you might want to have a chat to pseudoname at some point...
and i'm trying to lure muffled over here...
poster:special_k
thread:629668
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060220/msgs/634045.html