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Boundaries with Mothers

Posted by cricket on April 6, 2006, at 12:55:33

I heard someone say that for Kafka his father was like a giant shadow over all of Prague and Kafka could only live in the tiny nooks and crannies that this father shadow couldn't reach.

I feel like that with my mother. If there is anything my mother cares about or has expressed an interest in, I avoid it as if it were nuclear waste.

In fact, much of the time I feel like my only goal in life is to bring embarrassment and shame to my mother.

In 7th grade, I got some academic award and my mother so appropriated that accomplishment ("Well maybe you took after me a little bit but you'll never have my personality or, you poor thing, my good looks") that at the ceremony after I received the certificate and was walking off the stage I crumpled it into a ball, tossed it in her lap as I walked by and said "for you".

And so it has been ever after.

How long am I going to live in poverty and isolation just to shame her?

How long am I going to deprive myself of a life just because I am afraid that she will appropriate anything good that comes to me?


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poster:cricket thread:629668
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060220/msgs/629668.html