Posted by cricket on April 7, 2006, at 15:02:28
In reply to Re: Boundaries with Mothers » cricket, posted by special_k on April 7, 2006, at 10:10:41
> does he seem to enjoy her company
> (i'm just wondering whether the family ties are worth it)
He likes the idea of having a grandma. Not sure whether he really enjoys her company so much.
So mostly it's probably not worth it. We have very much cut down our interactions.
>
>
> yeah. i wonder if my SI is about that.
> 'cause she was destroying me on the inside
> on the inside where nobody could see...
>
> :-(
> :-(
> :-(
>
(((((special_k)))))))> i dunno how to get away from this sh*t...
>
>
> but i have to admit what helped me the most in dealing with my mother...
>
> was the interpersonal effectiveness skills i learned in DBT. why? 'cause who gives a f*ck about the dx (or lack thereof) my mother doesn't understand emotions and how her emotions rule her life (and the life of everyone else unless they know how to handle her emotions)
>
> and in DBT...
>
> i used emotion regulation skills on her (if that makes sense) she is getting wound up...
>
> distract her
> soothe her (couldn't manage that very often but distraction was much much easier)
>
> and for me too...
>
Actually I think that is what would help me the most too. The little bit I can do it.> maybe you could talk about learning some strategies for dealing with her from your t?
>
> maybe?
>
> like what sorts of responses / comebacks to those kinds of comments. i dunno... i'm not very good at this either :-(He's actually very good at giving me those "interpersonal effectiveness" skills when it comes to work colleagues.
For my mother though, he seems to take a different approach. He says things like, "you could write a story and show her to be the monster that she is." I think that her damage was so insidious that he just wants me to recognize it or something.
From what you've said about your mother, it sounds like you know what I mean about insidious. :-(
And the fact is my mother is the charmer, the beauty (I'm the outcast) and most of society would look at her and her life and say, "oh what a delightful person".
Thanks for talking me through this. You doing okay?
poster:cricket
thread:629668
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060220/msgs/630181.html