Posted by BornAgainLover on August 6, 2005, at 3:30:02
In reply to Re: Wife wants a divorce » BornAgainLover, posted by Tamar on August 5, 2005, at 16:41:56
Thank you all for your thoughts. If you would permit me, let me share a few more items.
1. I know I have given her every reason to never trust me again. That's why I have come up with both goals AND an "action plan," very specific ways to overcome my bad habits and replacing them with good ones. For example:
No internet at home.
Only use internet at work, where it is very closely monitored.
Let my wife know my whereabouts at all times.
Carry a cell phone to maintain contact.
And above all: Always think before ANY action -- How would this make my wife feel?2. Forsake all old contacts with men and do not put myself in a place to find new ones. I have already changed jobs so I will not be traveling any more. I have eliminated all chatting.
3. Can I really be heterosexual?? I think there will always be a little element of homosexuality, but I think I have satisfied the curiosity of the unknown (after wondering for 23 yrs) and have committed to physical, mentally and emotionally loving her and her alone for the rest of our lives.
I believe that my current actions, goals, desires, and my "action plan" show that I am very serious this time. I have also allowed God back into my life. And He has truly created the miracle of allowing me to finally feel love for her and for others.
Alas, deep down I feel that she will not reconsider under any circumstances and that I have absolutely no chance to show her how much I really value her and love her and want to create of our lives a three-way partnership with God.
Yes, I have really screwed up big time, but I have admitted it to my church leaders (did I mention that they excommunicated me?) and have laid out all my sins so that I could "repent." In the process of kicking me out, I asked her about Jesus' admonition to "forgive seventy times seven" and she claims that she has already met that quota. So then I have to wonder if God is ever going to forgive me, either.
poster:BornAgainLover
thread:537752
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050724/msgs/538198.html