Posted by Tamar on August 5, 2005, at 16:41:56
In reply to Wife wants a divorce, posted by BornAgainLover on August 5, 2005, at 4:24:56
Gosh, that’s a complicated situation! There are so many possible threads. I have a few questions, which you don’t have to answer of course.Do you think you’re gay, or are you bisexual? If you’re gay then I worry that however much you love your wife you will have difficulties. There’s a big question of how to fulfil both your sexual needs and her sexual needs within your marriage. She might expect you to give up your gay sexual identity, and that might be nearly impossible for you, especially if you feel you haven’t fully explored all the possible ways of loving a man.
But if you’re bisexual maybe it’s easier to maintain a physical relationship with your wife. Of course, even as a bisexual there will probably always be some curiosity about physical intimacy with men. But, on the other hand, curiosity about intimacy with other people seems to be part of the human condition. Even if you were straight you might be curious about other women. Would renewing your marriage involve prolonged sexual frustration for you? If so, then I think you might need to be very careful.
Another issue is religion. I don’t know what Mormons say about homosexuality, but I know that in many religious institutions being gay is frowned upon. I think it can be very difficult to live an authentic life if people keep telling you that you’re bad. Many gay people leave their churches because it’s too painful for them to stay. Others hide their sexuality in order to remain. I wonder if you’ve thought about how your sexuality and your faith fit together. Or maybe your religion is tolerant of homosexuality.
It occurs to me that you might be able to find a compromise with your wife. If you are able to love her, to have a physical relationship with her and to commit yourself to her, then perhaps she might be willing to try to understand your sexuality and turn a blind eye to your use of computer porn (but don’t let her find it!). If she can come to understand that this is the way God has made you, and that nevertheless you want to be a husband to her, then perhaps you can find ways to be together. I imagine she wouldn’t be able to agree to your having sex with men, but you might be able to persuade her that lots of men use porn and it doesn’t really make a difference that the porn you use is gay porn.
I think it’s wonderful that you love your wife. But I also wonder if you have thought about how all the complications in your marriage might work out long-term.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:537752
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050724/msgs/537944.html