Posted by Damos on July 18, 2005, at 17:18:18 [reposted on July 22, 2005, at 0:57:51 | original URL]
In reply to husbands and sex **possible trigger**, posted by B2chica on July 18, 2005, at 9:25:33
I'm so sorry B2. No matter what primal drives and urges drive us, we men have no right to make a woman feel like this - ever.
I just wanted to be sick after reading your post it made me feel so bad. I'm so very sorry he hurt you and made you feel those things about yourself. Just so very sorry.
Not sure that I have any real advice but, sex can be very important to some mens identify and sense of self so maybe without really realising what he was doing he was punishing you for the prior denials, which might go some way to explaining the withholding of affection thing (if I can't have sex, you can't have kisses and cuddles). The woman who wrote "The Lovely Bones" wrote another brilliant book about her rape and it's aftermath - sorry I just can't remember her name. It's hard and uncomfortable but I was glad I read it. Maybe it'd help him understand.
Having just recently become 'rough' maybe there is something eating away at him that he is releasing this way - don't know but maybe. If he is as sensitive as you say then just being honest and telling him how you are feeling has to be a starting point. I can't believe he didn't feel you feeling badly, he must have surely.
poster:Damos
thread:531367
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050627/msgs/531369.html