Posted by emmanuel98 on August 7, 2011, at 19:06:19
In reply to Re: help - feels like an impasse » lucielu2, posted by Dinah on August 7, 2011, at 14:15:10
This is a helpful way to think about it. Kids separate themselves from us at various points in their life, then, if we are open and loving to them, come back. My daughter didn't go through much teen or pre-teen angst, but at 23, she is pretty hard to keep in touch with unless she needs money. My husband and I are both feeling really abandoned by her and get resentful when she does call, always with some problem (usually financial) she needs help solving. I figure, though, that this is a phase she needs to go through and maybe in a year or two we'll be closer in touch. I think every kid goes through this at some point. Your daughter is going through it now, refusing to honor your desire for a loving separation. But maybe by next year, she'll be calling and emailing all the time.
> So maybe that's what is most helpful to me at least. I hope it's helpful to you as well. This isn't the new reality. It's not the loss of your daughter forever. It's a trough, maybe a deep trough, and maybe the relationship won't look the same later, but a relationship with a child lasts a lifetime. This is just one tiny point of time in a lifetime of points of time.
poster:emmanuel98
thread:992867
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110706/msgs/993112.html