Posted by lucielu2 on August 6, 2011, at 10:48:38
In reply to Re: help - feels like an impasse, posted by Daisym on August 5, 2011, at 18:22:48
Daisy, as always, your post is so insightful. I love what you said about my therapy mirroring the impasse with my daughter. It's a very useful concept - helps me understand both better.
You are probably right that I should (try) to have a heart to heart talk with her, if she will let me. I will have to try not to take it personally if she doesn't, though, and that is hard. I also don't want her to feel guilty for hurting or disappointing me, and it is hard not to have that come through. I do feel disappointed and rejected, big time. But maybe that will start to ease if I just think about some of the points that you've raised and realize that this is her means of separation from me.
Like you, I felt like I was a good mother to our older daughter. That idea was never really challenged during our separation - she was/is a compliant and sensitive child who tended to be clingy if anything during the transition. And I welcomed that clinginess that last summer because it met my needs too, so it worked for both of us when we separated, with tears, promises to text etc. But with the younger one, she was harder to raise, and I routinely beat myself up for all the missteps I feel I made. My big worry therefore is that she is avoiding me because I have been such a bad mother and she can't wait to leave! But she tells me she has been having nightmares almost every night, so I know she is feeling both anxiety and grief at the transition. And if she is feeling grief, can I have been so bad a mother? These transitions just put everything out there, on the line.
It is all so complex and difficult.
Lucie
poster:lucielu2
thread:992867
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110706/msgs/992964.html