Posted by Kath on January 5, 2009, at 14:39:55
Continued from Social thread....
Hi PC (anxiety/moaning warning)
I felt more comfortable continuing the answer on this Board, since I'm getting all detailed & into my head & emotions. It feels safer here for me I guess:
I think the main thing is this: my son has had time off work for the last 12 days! He's my big worry/anxiety-trigger. And he has been 'partying' during that time, so that's always a trigger as to my worry that he'll take drug-use the next step to using alone on a regular basis & the downward spiral. So YES - THAT is a huge really. And today is his first day back at work & he was really 'down' & looked sorta rough & was saying it was hard facing an 11-7 day.
I guess part of me is dreading a phone-call saying he can't deal with it & would I be able to pick him up! :-((( I wish I didn't go such negative places!
I'm thinking things out as I write. I guess my big 'bottom-line' worry is always 'what if he loses his job'....then he'll be depressed, then get into big drug problems.
I've been viewing him living here as us supporting his moving ahead in a positive direction. Which he has been doing. I'm viewing it as steps towards him moving out on his own. He's viewing it that way also. Part of me is anxious about WILL it happen??? Will he ever be well enough to make a go of it on his own. I do not like my 'fast forward' button. I'd have a lot more peace if I could be in the NOW!!!!!!!!! SIGH.
He is being SO incredibly responsible about his job. I heard him crying this morning, yet he was able to pull himself together & go to work anyway. I have a lot of fear about his future. And part of me wants SO much for him to just be the hell okay so that I can reLAX & be able to enjoy (what does THAT mean?) my life. :-((
Thanks for your support & thx for giving me a chance to ramble & realize what's going on.
How are you doing? Able to eat anything different yet?
luv, Kath
poster:Kath
thread:872385
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081219/msgs/872385.html