Posted by Kath on January 5, 2009, at 20:25:40
In reply to Re: It happened :-( » Kath, posted by Partlycloudy on January 5, 2009, at 16:54:41
> I'm sorry, Kath. I really feel that you have been carrying a lot of the anxieties on behalf of your son and it's been delaying the inevitable. (You could say that I went through a similar route with my step daughter - the harder I worked and worried, the less she was able to perform and do it herself.)
~ ~ ~ I think you're right PC. Classic case of codependent behaviour. Sigh. ~ ~
> Question: do you think he has a substance abuse problem, and does he think so?
~ ~ I do, yes. He doesn't. Well, I guess he knows he has a problem that he's keeping under control with cocaine & somewhat under control with K(ketamine). He did the Info session at the local addiction services organization & has had his first appointment. It was in early Dec. & they couldn't schedule his next one until this coming Friday. So that meant all during the holidays without an appontment. Not great. I don't think he views using drugs to feel better as a drug problem! I think he views getting into debt because of it, or using large amounts alone, as a drug problem. Nevertheless, he's going to A.S. I pointed out to him that part of the treatment there would be to help him learn other coping methods & skills he seemed to accept that that was good.
>If he's doing the stuff sporadically and not taking medications consistently, then I can believe that he'd be in a panic almost every day without taking *something*, whether prescribed or not, to keep his moods in check. I think at some level this is about denial about what the issues really are.
~ ~ ~ I agree PC. My husband & I were discussing it tonight. The top layer is substance abuse and/or substance mis-use - as in self-medicating. A layer below, is depression. A layer below is a LOT of things that have happened over the past years. A layer below is some fairly heavy-duty damage done by his biological father, particularly around the ages of 3 - 5. Then, of course, there's the 2 years ago diagnosis of schizophrenia & subsequent medication for it. He's now on 3 mg risperidone/day & 1 mg clonazepam (sp?) to help sleep. I had wondered about the clon. given his drug history. I guess it's not the type that he uses, as he doesn't abuse it.
> (((((Kath)))) BTW I think he's the one who has to talk to the boss, NOT you. How old is he? Not a teenager, not disabled? But you are willing to do this uncomfortable (and maybe embarrassing) assignment on his behalf. (I am shaking my head in my Tough Love stance.)
~ ~ Thank you for your above comments AND hugs. The hugs allow me to hear the rest & know it's coming from a loving, kind, accepting place! And therefore to actually hear them & even have a tiny tiny smile. Thanks PC. I think - to go back to your original comments, I've been trying do what I can to help him be successful at keeping this job. He really did like it & his boss. DH & I are of the belief that if son hadn't done drugs, he would have been much more able to handle the stress that certain parts of the job caused for him. As it stands now, I don't see how he can keep it. He is sort of a mess & doesn't seem to believe that he can lead a normal life. That's what he was saying earlier anyway, but then again, he's in the 'depression/down' stage that happens after he's been using drugs. Pretty darned sad situation. I'm saying sad, but I'm also mad & fed up & just want it to be over (& know it's far from over).
Had a talk with DH. At least he is a support for me. It's really hard for both of us. We hate it.
> much love to you.
~ ~ Thanks PC - your support if appreciated more than I can say. I feel pretty stupid. I seem to go through the same stuff over & over. It's embarrassing.
I had spent so much time talking with DH I didn't go to the Al-Anon meeting. I just needed to have some down time cozily at home. Tomorrow I go to a Cognitive Behaviour Therapy introductory meeting with the Family support group of my son's mental health association.
((((((((((((((back to you PC)))))))))))))))))))
luv, Kath
poster:Kath
thread:872385
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081219/msgs/872426.html