Posted by Kath on January 7, 2009, at 12:25:58
In reply to Re: Hard to eat when I'm upset » Kath, posted by fayeroe on January 7, 2009, at 11:09:56
Dear Pat, Sorry about the finances. Will you be going back to your job, or is it finished?
I am truly sorry about your depression & pain. Lonely is a horrible feeling. I have about 4 quite good friends. I have a few people who are more like acquaintances (they might think they're friends). I am very fortunate to have my husband.
Re eating - I also don't get hungry. But I'm so used to that. It's not really a factor in me not eating.
> I understand about eating. I might eat one meal a day...sometimes only a smoothie. Part of it is finances but the major reason is that I'm not hungry.
I've gotten out the nuts/fruit & am also going to put a bag of it in my purse as PC suggested.
Thx for the reminder about water! I have a terrible time making myself drink it. My daughter is always reminding me about water.
> Yes, we were in Oklahoma during the crazy years. Two on pot, one on speed and one on both speed and pot.~ ~ Just having one to deal with - That must have been really 'crazy-making' for you.
> Then "graduated" to other things and that is when the whip started cracking and the realization sank in that being irresponsible meant no home, no money and no car.
~ ~ ~ I think my very biggest fear is of him being homeless. There have been about 3 times when he was. Each time was harder for me. I really don't know if I could get through it again. I'm afraid I'd start thinking bad thoughts about the only way to endure it would be not to.
~ ~ I'm very sorry about what happened to your daughter & I am glad you were able to have the law deal with her counsellor. What a horrible thing to happen; especially given the whole scenario that you were dealing with. (((you)))
> But, you just plant your feet solidly on the ground and decide how much of your life are you going to continue to give to these kids and how much will you keep.
~ ~ that seems to be the hard part for me right now. Being winter & dealing with SAD depression & feeling immobilized, it's hard for me to get STRONG & even look at my own life. My own life feels right now like just existing; just getting through one day & then the next. I guess it's like that for a lot of us.
You gave birth, you nursed them and clothed and changed diapers and so it went for years. Turning them loose is the next step. At 25, he's an adult. He KNOWS he has it made right now.
~ ~ The part that makes it harder for me is that he has schizophrenia. Before that surfaced, I found it easier to do the Tough Love thing. I found it hell when the T.L. led to him being on the streets though.
> Using the fact that your life was different from his is no excuse for his behavior now.
~ ~ Oh no. It certainly isn't. If anything, it feels the opposite.
> We are the adults. Your child isn't going to become an adult if you don't facilitate his taking responsibility for his life. Frequently, mostly, it is a painful thing. I pretty much believe in "no pain, no gain". It killed us to do what we did for the children. Made them grow up! Then, we came alive again. :-) We just drummed up the resolve and did it. Al-Anon was a huge factor in realizing that we could not live their lives.~ ~ I hope I can find an Al-Anon during the daytime in my town. It is a huge struggle for me to go out at night. I did go last night to the family support group. Got some handouts for CBT & actually used one sheet last night to get from a 90% emotion about something, down to a 60%.
> A nephew and his wife in Arkansas that are becoming close and that makes me very happy.
>
> Enough of that.
>
> How are things today with son?~ ~ He's still sleeping (he is in the rec room in the basement). I know that my IRL 'friend'-who- always-tells-me-what-to-do-&-what-not-to-do-&-why would tell me to wake him up. If I do that, I encounter whatever mood he's in. I think I'm having enough trouble just dealing with existing without adding that in.
I don't know if he ended up leaving a message for his boss last night. I won't be making any more calls like that for him.I need to just know that it's OK to feel awful & that 'this too shall pass' etc. I am really not doing well.
My therapist returned my call today & suggested that since my mind is used to worrying & obsessing, I could try a method that sometimes helps people. She said that sometimes the brain gets a certain 'boost' from crisis. She says that if we do things differently - like wear our watch upside down & pick up things with our left hand (if we're right-handed) & go out & come in through the door we usually don't & sit in a different chair from what we usually do - our brain can get a similar kind of 'boost' from the attention that we have to pay to doing these things differently. she says that our brain can interpret the 'boost' from worrying as 'pleasure' & can sort of 'look for it'. It's almost like an addiction - & that we can provide our brain with that 'boost' in other ways. So I'm going to do that. I'm already doing it, sitting differently at the computer. Was typing with different fingers, but it was taking too long! LOL
Anyway, my loving thoughts are with you in your own ongoing challenges Pat. Let me know how you're doing.
love, Kath
poster:Kath
thread:872385
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081219/msgs/872596.html