Posted by Wittgensteinz on December 7, 2008, at 4:51:24
In reply to Re: :( I wish I hadn't posted this now » Wittgensteinz, posted by lucie lu on December 6, 2008, at 9:43:10
LL,
Thank you for your reassuring post - it really touched me. I think if anyone I owe you (babblers) an apology for being inpatient and potentially pressuring people into posting on a topic they perhaps weren't comfortable with. I didn't really appreciate how raw it would be to so many. In a way, that fact alone makes me feel less alone.
I haven't really talked about my current thoughts at length yet with my T. Friday's session involved numerous topics - it began with Sinterklaas (we celebrate St. Nicolas Eve in Holland) and we each had a chocolate (I brought him a box of chocolates). I did touch on this question I have about my perception of my mother as sadistic (something I recall feeling since I was very young) and whether she really was - or perhaps that she meant well but went about it in the wrong way - she was abused by her father - maybe she knew no different. This matters to me because she's still there - she still contacts me (and visits from time to time) - and each time I see her or hear from her I am filled with guilt and disgust. My T emphasised that my feelings were as they were - that the fact I found her sadistic was important and significant. He then started to talk very softly and rather quickly in Dutch. His voice was so soft and caring I melted a little but I didn't take in entirely what he said - I know he was talking about my attempt, but what he said exactly I don't know - it was more as if he was saying it to himself and not me. It was near the end of the session and I had the feeling he was weeping - I glanced over and he had his hand to his face, so I immediately looked away. If I'd been honest I should have said something, and maybe I will next time.
Witti
poster:Wittgensteinz
thread:866883
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/867190.html