Posted by Wittgensteinz on February 21, 2008, at 2:47:08
In reply to therapy lately, posted by sunnydays on February 20, 2008, at 17:59:04
SD,
When reading your post, one of my thoughts was: if 'no' is a topic you are discussing at the moment, and that you tend to take it on yourself as a personal rejection when another person says 'no' to you, then discussing a very important request with your T where the answer could be 'no' (or yes), would give you the chance to work through these feelings with him in a more direct way.
Perhaps one way of breaching the topic would be to tell him that there is something you would very much like to ask/request but you are too afraid the answer will be 'no' and how that 'no' will affect you.
I asked my T this same question (asking for a hug) some months ago. Well, not exactly, I wrote in a mail that it was something I sometimes felt a desire for during the long vacation when I was missing him - so I didn't specifically ask him for a hug. He took it as a direct request though and said 'no' (I wish we could have explored it differently but never mind - I don't know if the desire scared him somehow) - his words were something like "Witti, we could hug and it would be nice but it wouldn't help you in the end". This response really upset me at the time and I still hope that one day, perhaps when I terminate (whenever that will be), that I can hug him goodbye (I see him as a father figure - my own father never hugged me growing up (or now - and I only see him a few times a year). It was hard to have this response but it was also a powerful learning moment. I think a lot can be gained from this conversation, whatever the answer might be. I should say my T is an analyst and by nature analysts tend to keep strict boundaries in regard to physical contact (we always shake hands when I arrive and leave but that's it).
I guess I would say to only go further with this when you are ready and feeling stable in your relationship with your T. You said that it's been up and down lately - maybe a potential 'down' would not be good timing right now.
I would instead explore with him what it would mean to you (and what it would mean to him) if he would say 'no' to something that was important for you.
Witti
poster:Wittgensteinz
thread:813775
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080210/msgs/813866.html