Posted by sunnydays on February 20, 2008, at 21:31:08
In reply to Re: therapy lately » sunnydays, posted by MissK on February 20, 2008, at 20:34:49
> Why not just ask him if his professional boundary excludes giving hugs to clients? Does he ever hug a client and when or under what circumstances?
**** That's kind of the same as my idea of asking it hypothetically. I wouldn't ask it like about his professional boundary because that's just not the way we talk to each other. If I'm going to ask it, even hypothetically, it will be about me, and I need to ask it in a way that I can be sure that's transparent to him even if I don't directly ask about me. And I suspect his boundaries are quite flexible. He tells me quite a bit about his personal life and family when it's relevant, but he didn't at first, and I think that he bases it on the person. I could imagine his boundaries being totally different for different clients.
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> Try not to think of it so personally.**** I wish I could. But it's such a question about a want of mine, that it is a very personal question to me. I know his response wouldn't have to do with me personally, except to the extent it might be affected by his knowledge of my history, but the question by its very nature is personal.
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> You can tell him you get the strong feeling of wanting a hug from him and ask him what you should do about that or what are his thoughts about that.**** I have mentioned it in emails, but for the most part I have to bring up things like that that I write if I want to talk about them. He might bring up some things, like beliefs that I have that are inaccurate or a situation I describe that particularly strikes him as important, but for the most part I have to control what we talk about, with much of his guidance coming in how he asks me about things - that often leads us to areas I don't expect. To even say out loud that I get that feeling feels threatening to me in some way. I am definitely thinking about saying it, but I don't want to do it if it will end up in a session where I am silent almost the whole time because I'm struggling to say it. I'd rather talk about something else and wait longer until I think I'm ready.
I am sure it isn't the first time he's had a client want the same thing, and he probably already knows how to answer the question and respond to the situation of your feelings.
**** He probably knows because I've emailed him, but I doubt he has heard it before. I was the first client who had ever told him I loved him, even though he's been practicing for 20-plus years. He says a lot of people just never get to the point where they would say that. So I don't know that he would have heard it.
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> I have had moments in session where I could feel wanting a hug from my therapist. However, that boundary has been so strong from day one that it quickly recedes. And I am sure she must have seen it my eyes or body language, but she is so great she never makes me feel awkward even if does sense that is something I may want. And, if I am not mistaken, I think she may have wanted to be able to give a hug too, though I've noticed that sometimes her smile and expression towards me after some sessions almost feel like a hug. I do hope whe will let me give her a hug when we eventually terminate. That would be really nice. I will be sure to ask her though if I can and I won't take it wrong at all if she says no.
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>**** Good for you! I just know that it's going to trigger a lot of old feelings in me no matter what, so I'm just trying to prepare myself to deal with those I guess. The desire for a hug probably comes out of a lot of old feelings too, now that I think about it, so we'd probably have to explore that.
Thanks for responding,
sunnydays
poster:sunnydays
thread:813775
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080210/msgs/813821.html