Posted by lovelorn on December 10, 2007, at 11:46:34
In reply to Re:being split » lovelorn, posted by muffled on December 10, 2007, at 11:09:22
>*LOL, in some ways kids are so NOT powerless, ever see a 2 yr old freaking out his ma in the grocery store???!!! Power!
Yes. I was going to mention have you ever seen a kid not get what it wants! It will scream and fuss and cry and "disrupt" as much as it can until gets soothed somehow. Unfortunately, if that kid gets abused or suffers a trauma, it will eventually go quiet with all its pain. When that happens to us, it goes away but is not forgotten and will come back.
>*How to you give your child a voice? Do you speak for hewr, or does she come out and talk?
Well, it starts in the mind. Since I've had my breakdowns there is a part of my mind that surfaced. Really broken and it feels almost retarded. And it is, in the sense, that is a very undeveloped part of the mind, pre-verbal and relies heavily on emotion. From the emotion though, my mind gets out words. It can be a scary place to be because it feels like I will get stuck in that regressed part. Through therapy though, I've been able to go there and the T has been good in making me realize that I am not stuck there. She brings me back to reality by noting that I am not "there", that I am in her office, I am grown up, etc. Anyway, the voice comes by feeling the emotions and sometimes the words are kind of blubbery and babble like. It usually involves my young part calling for its mother and wanting to go home. Two big traumatic things that happened to me when I was separated from a young age from my real mother. That is the big painful and traumatic hole in me. When I do just let myself "break down" to that mindset, there is the adult me kind of in the background now and I realize that this is just an emotion and a need to be heard that I am going through. The adult me steps back and lets this broken part of me babble if she needs to babble and to express her sadness and what it is that is paining her and what it is she needs and wants. Then I give myself some mental comfort to that wounded part of me. It's only recently that I can accept doing this, or that I have control over it. Before, when I didn't understand it as well, it really did feel like I would get stuck in that regressed part and it was embarrassing to let out and all that. Felt like something was really wrong with me. I am understanding and seeing now it is just the broken part that is looking to be heard and to get healed.
I don't know how much more I will need to go "there" sort of to speak, but I am noticing it gets a little less each time I let it happen and hear what is going on, and of course talking with my T about it.
>actually I am getting SOOOOOOOOOOO way better at telling T what works anbd what doesn't.
Well, that is good as we know our own responses and what we go through best. As well though, it is also alright to ask sometimes what she can suggest that might also work or help based on what you tell her. My T has been good with making certain suggestions over time that have helped me too.
poster:lovelorn
thread:799840
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071204/msgs/799912.html