Posted by Muffled on November 28, 2007, at 21:56:47
In reply to he did call, posted by sunnydays on November 28, 2007, at 20:29:52
*that was interesting what Daisy said:
{I've actually told my therapist that there are times I'm afraid of him - when I feel young and small I worry that I will "turn him into" some kind of abuser - either sexually or verbally. He is very reassuring and never gets offended by these kinds of worries or fears.}*I had never really thot bout that B4, but I have an absolute THING about my T touching me....I'm just not that bad with other people, I don't like it, but its not as big a deal, and when Daisy wrote what she did, she made me realize, its cuz I am UGH vulnerable w/T (YUK), and so I DO feel at risk :-( But T knows I don't like touch, and tries not to, and if she accidentally bumps me, she usu notices, cuz I guess I recoil or something, and she apologizes. I am learning SO much. I am glad you atarted this thread SD.
> Thank you both. My T did call, but I don't know if it helped. He was asking me what I could do to tolerate the feeling of missing him, to sit with it, and I didn't know. He suggested a couple things, and said we could talk on Friday about more ways to tolerate these feelings and being able to feel more independent and self-reliant and not needing to call him and things, because it doesn't always feel good to me to call him because I worry about bothering him. But that at the same time we need to figure out how to do it so that I stay connected enough so that I don't feel like it's abandonment.*wow, good T!
> I'll need to tell him on Friday because I couldn't over the phone, but I heard that as, "Don't call me, you're too much for me to deal with, I don't want to hear from you anymore." He asked if there was anything else I wanted to talk about, and I couldn't bring myself to ask if I was going to infect him, but I asked, "Is it ok?" He said, "Is what ok, calling me?" And I said, "Just everything, is everything ok?"*I have said same thing to T SD. Just asked if we are 'ok'. I have done this lotsa times.Its a good thing to ask.
Also I do it less now, but I used to always twist my T's words around, I can't remember the term she used...but anyways, she started calling me on it. When she said something she figgered I'd twist, she'd say...'what did I say?' or 'what did you hear?', and she would repeat and try her darndest to make it clear....sometimes it worked...sometimes NOT! I need ALOT of reinforcemnet apparently, and fortunately I seem to have this T with unending patience....
It seems you are noticing yourself doing this , so thats GREAT! you ARE moving ahead, YAY!
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> And he said, "Yes, you're doing fine. It's fine to call me, it just might be empowering to find ways to feel more independent when you feel like this. We've just got to keep working. And it's progress that I'm even bringing up the idea of being more independent with you because now it may upset you some, but before it would have just completely shattered you. But you're doing fine. We'll talk on Friday."*I agree w/your T. He seems a great T.
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> So I think he is aware of how what he says affects me, but he's told me before that sometimes he's going to say things that will upset me anyway, because we can't have things we can't talk about or that we avoid. But I was wishing he was more reassuring on the phone.*hmmm. Sometimes there is NOTHING my T can say.....I just dunno WHAT it is I am looking for?
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> And then we ended the conversation because he said he was still at work and had to get himself home. And I think he just meant that to be a closing little thing to tell me something about himself because sometimes I like it if I know something about what he's doing, but it felt like I was bothering him even more.*Sigh, there we are twisting things again!!! I am SO good at that myself!
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> But I am doing much better than I would have in the past, he's right about that. I would have cried the rest of the night, whereas I cried a little bit, but now I just am a little sad and have a big lump in my throat, but otherwise I'm ok.*GOOD for you SD, that IS progress, HUGE progress. Just give yourself some credit OK?
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> Why does this have to be so hard?*yeah.....I hear ya.
I'm glad you posted. Helps me too.
Take care,
Muffled
poster:Muffled
thread:797492
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071120/msgs/797527.html