Posted by sunnydays on November 28, 2007, at 20:29:52
In reply to How do...? (small abuse trigger), posted by sunnydays on November 28, 2007, at 18:14:11
Thank you both. My T did call, but I don't know if it helped. He was asking me what I could do to tolerate the feeling of missing him, to sit with it, and I didn't know. He suggested a couple things, and said we could talk on Friday about more ways to tolerate these feelings and being able to feel more independent and self-reliant and not needing to call him and things, because it doesn't always feel good to me to call him because I worry about bothering him. But that at the same time we need to figure out how to do it so that I stay connected enough so that I don't feel like it's abandonment.
I'll need to tell him on Friday because I couldn't over the phone, but I heard that as, "Don't call me, you're too much for me to deal with, I don't want to hear from you anymore." He asked if there was anything else I wanted to talk about, and I couldn't bring myself to ask if I was going to infect him, but I asked, "Is it ok?" He said, "Is what ok, calling me?" And I said, "Just everything, is everything ok?"
And he said, "Yes, you're doing fine. It's fine to call me, it just might be empowering to find ways to feel more independent when you feel like this. We've just got to keep working. And it's progress that I'm even bringing up the idea of being more independent with you because now it may upset you some, but before it would have just completely shattered you. But you're doing fine. We'll talk on Friday."
So I think he is aware of how what he says affects me, but he's told me before that sometimes he's going to say things that will upset me anyway, because we can't have things we can't talk about or that we avoid. But I was wishing he was more reassuring on the phone.
And then we ended the conversation because he said he was still at work and had to get himself home. And I think he just meant that to be a closing little thing to tell me something about himself because sometimes I like it if I know something about what he's doing, but it felt like I was bothering him even more.
But I am doing much better than I would have in the past, he's right about that. I would have cried the rest of the night, whereas I cried a little bit, but now I just am a little sad and have a big lump in my throat, but otherwise I'm ok.
Why does this have to be so hard?
sunnydays
poster:sunnydays
thread:797492
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071120/msgs/797522.html