Posted by Honore on May 7, 2007, at 8:45:05
In reply to Completely wrung out (long) **trigger**, posted by Racer on May 6, 2007, at 21:25:44
Well, you helped me a lot yesterday. I spent a lot of time debating whether there was someone I could confide in- and if it was worth taking the risk-or whether I should try to go through the feelings on my own--
And just talking to you helped me- a lot-- and that feeling has held up. The thing is-- it's not what you said-- per se--it's just you being you, and my telling you-- maybe it''s not one of those things you can't identify-- it's too elusive-- but it's who the person is-- and what it feels like to tell them something.
For me, that's the foundation of what it is to be a good person-- to be someone who gives people a feeling of being good for and to them (ie you feel good in that person's mind, in a way that seems authentic, and not made up, and not even "created"-- just you do)-- it's the first, most essential thing.
If you can do that for me, I can't believe you can't over time do it for yourself. I wish I could give it back to you-- but over time, though, your T, or your T and husband-- and your friends-- and your own goodness-- have to be making something new.
When it works for me, therapy give me new experiences-- ones in which I;m living in a different narrative from the one I lived in with my parents. And I experience myself being a new and different person-- the one in that story-- who's capable of living and feeling and being responded to-- and responding to myself--as good, and in a good way.
So every time that happens, it's part of building the new parts of myself, that can be and see and feel differently. Even saying the things you've said here-- is building that-- and one of these days, you'll realize that you do see yourself differently-- and you've begun to say and know those things without having them be so devastating and unbearable. They'll be awful, but they won't be so much about the deepest you-- they won't be about another person; they'll be about you, but not the most alive parts of you--because the newer parts will be growing and knowing things, and being able to act and believe differently about herself.
You've made a lot of changes and they'll continue. I know it's hard to wait for transformations, but they do come at the most unexpected moments.
Honore
poster:Honore
thread:756419
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/756481.html