Posted by sunnydays on May 6, 2007, at 21:47:45
In reply to Completely wrung out (long) **trigger**, posted by Racer on May 6, 2007, at 21:25:44
Hi,
Been there, doing that. We just talked about it last session, in fact. I am getting closer and closer to being able to say with certainty that I am not bad. One big thing we talked about was how I made a big step that session in saying that "Even if you were to get annoyed with me, that wouldn't mean *I'm* annoying". When I said that, I thought my T was about to fall over in shock because that's been so deeply entrenched for so long and it just popped into my head all of a sudden and made sense.But then we spent the rest of the session talking about how I'm afraid doing saying that will cut off the sad part of me that believes that stuff, and how I don't know if I want to lose her. It was my unconscious trying to pull me back into the I'm bad stuff. And it has happened since then that I've thought I'm awful.
But I think it was a huge breakthrough - there was nothing I could do to get there except it just popped in my head one day and finally it all clicked what my T had been saying all along.Anyway, that's my wisdom for the day. I'm nervous about going to T tomorrow because I got really angry over the weekend at my mother, who abused me, and that's kind of a huge first for me (I didn't tell her, though), so I'm sure we'll talk about that.
Good luck. It is so so hard being in the spot you're in now, but you'll get through it. Hang on to your T and your relationship, that's what helped me the most was knowing my T was there and he cared and he would think the world of me no matter what I said or did.
sunnydays
poster:sunnydays
thread:756419
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/756423.html