Posted by Honore on April 14, 2007, at 5:29:10
In reply to let's hear it for self-destruction!! ***trigger**, posted by gazo on April 14, 2007, at 0:06:21
Gazo,sounds like you like to play the rebel, or at least to cast yourself as that, to make it seem better, more like playing with fire, and less like being irrational, and not well.
If you wean off your meds, because you're mad at your pdoc,so as to deny him the power to define what you do by what he wants you on-- I'm not making any new points by noting that you're still letting him control you. Doing what he says, or flouting his advice are pretty much the same-- one feels a lot more powerful and devil-may-care, but it's just as defined by what he says. Just as far from independence as submitting per se.
Sounds like you need the meds. Better to think it through and not throw the few things that help out the window. Are you sure you aren't enjoying being the "bad girl" just a little too much, when indulging that phantasy self really is self-destructive, not romantically, but possibly all too unpleasantly?
I like you gazo. You're putting out lots of energy, making lots of attempts, good and not-sogood, to make connections, stay attached. But then with theother hand, you seem to take pleasure in the idea of tossing it all out in some grand gesture.
The grandest gesture of all is to submit to the tough or grueling struggle of everyday. Doesn't feel so grand, but I have to agree with whoever said it is.
Honore
poster:Honore
thread:749671
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070406/msgs/749704.html