Posted by littleone on October 4, 2006, at 21:37:16
In reply to Re: Opening up » littleone, posted by alexandra_k on October 4, 2006, at 16:05:31
> ...I internalised her.
:(
A little while ago I had to make a list of all the ways that my life had been impacted by the way my mother mothered. It was a very long and very negative list and it upset me a lot.
I figure your list would have the above line on it and that makes me real sad too. Even if you chose to protect yourself and stop being with her ... how do you stop being with *you*?
I bet that was a real painful realisation to make. I guess understanding is the first step to healing, but still ... very painful.
> I got to reading this book yesterday about attachment and projective identification and the like.
Do you know what the title/author is?
> It is more about blundering on. Smiling and enjoying yourself. Not feeling mortified.
I think the real secret is to have enough ego strength to truly not be bothered by what other people think of you. Obviously I'm a long way from getting even close to that one.
> The trouble is that I do take these little risks and... They don't seem to go okay. Why not? She is a nice lady trying to help. I really believe that. She IS a nice lady trying to help. But I do not feel... Like the little risks are paying off. Thats why... I feel disconnected.
Yeah, I can see that would leave you feeling disconnected. Sorry, but I get a bit confused. Are you talking each of these instances over with her when they happen? And are you saying how you felt when she did something? And how you wished she would have xx instead? Is she getting the opportunity to explain why she did what she did? (When I say "did", I really mean did, said, didn't do, didn't say, etc).
> You are great you know. I saw your response further up the board... The thread about forgiveness and stuff. I wanted to reply just so you would know that I read your post but... You kind of said it all. I thought it was a great post. Nothing left to be said. I know that sounds strange... But sometimes posts are like that.Thanks for saying that. I had thought I'd upset everyone.
> Thanks for talking with me. It means a lot.I'm glad you were okay with it. I had thought I was making things bad for you.
> How is your therapy going?I might post a new thread about it. I'll have to see how I feel. Sometimes I find babble real hard. I think that if I do post it, it'll quickly become very apparent as to why I was so concerned about you doing a runner.
poster:littleone
thread:689710
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/691932.html