Posted by littleone on October 6, 2006, at 0:33:22
In reply to Re: Opening up » littleone, posted by alexandra_k on October 4, 2006, at 22:44:05
I've seen gardenergirl talking about projective identification before. I understand what she said and what it's about, but I find it hard to see what stuff of mine is that and what is another type of defense.
But I do think that I do it too.
I guess the thing you need to remember is that you aren't doing it in a deliberate overt attempt to maliciously manipulate the other person or yourself. It's a coping mechanism you've learnt over the years and should be respected in part - because it has helped you cope.
I wonder how harmful it would truly feel to fully know about and own the negative aspects of oneself. I mean, I know this can be worked towards and achieved. But I wonder how harmful it would have been to know and own those things as we were growing up.
I read a really interesting thread about the term "manipulation" on another forum recently. This sometimes comes up as a bad thing for me because of my control issues. But from memory I think it would probably apply to projective identification as well.
> > Are you talking each of these instances over with her when they happen?
>
> No. It is hard to explain... There just isn't an understanding connection.I understand what you said. But by the same token, she'll never understand if you don't keep explaining it to her further.
Are you still going to write things out for her like you were thinking of doing?
It would probably also be good to write to her about the projective identification. I think that's an important thing to get her feedback on. The thing with it is that say you think she is taking on your anger for example, you don't really know this unless you talk to her. Only she can tell you if a) she is angry, b) if it's from you or her own stuff, c) if it's unusual for her (and therefore maybe proj iden), d) if she thinks proj iden is at play there. This is the sort of thing you need feedback from her on. You can't know what's going on inside for her without her help.
Also, re being smarter than your T, I have this problem a lot too. I get very squirmy trying to write this, but my T believes I'm actually very very intelligent (ie a long way above normal). And he thinks he is more on the high normal range. I find this real hard because it gives the teenager and extra solid reason for leaving him (how can he possibly help me if he's dumber than me). And I also think that's a real bad thought to have. But it is there. So bad or not, it needs to be accepted and dealt with.
I guess I try to remember that I might have brain smarts or book smarts, but he has people smarts and insight smarts. He's real smart in an area I'm not. Can you see where your T might have smarts where you don't?
poster:littleone
thread:689710
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/692287.html