Posted by alexandra_k on October 3, 2006, at 5:21:22
In reply to Opening up » alexandra_k, posted by littleone on October 2, 2006, at 21:45:26
> Hi alex,
Hey.
> I found with my T that when we talk about head stuff (adult stuff) I feel pretty much no connection to him. Saying the words just puts up a wall between us. But if I can start talking about the feeling stuff or about about thoughts/feelings from my younger parts (I guess a lot of these would be deeper fear kind of stuff), then that's when I start to feel connected to him.I think... Understanding is important to me. I feel connected when I feel like I understand someone and find what they are saying interesting or when I feel like someone understands me and finds what I have to say to be interesting. I think thats why I got on so well with my past t... In a way it kind of is a defence. In sessions... She used to switch between talking about my work or my thoughts on something and talking about my feelings or my thoughts on more personal matters. Sometimes the latter would... Get to be too much. So we would switch back to talking about the former. Sometimes she would explain something abstractly and then make it more concrete to apply to my case. And sometimes I could follow the abstract stuff but when it came to applying it to my case that was so much harder. Sometimes... I couldn't do it. I miss her so much. I've had some other clinician's since who kind of hooked into this way of doing things. But other clinician's... I don't really have an understanding connection with them and thus... I don't seem to be able to get the other sort of connection either. But I need to try harder. Try and meet her halfway. Try and do this. Try my best. See what we can do.
> If a T can't handle strong emotions, then they shouldn't be a T. It's not your role to protect your T. If you *are* doing that, then it might help to try to think of how you protected significant people in your past.I... Used to feel protective towards my Father. Because my Mother was very emotionally intense. I could see him cringing from her and she would be f*cking ropable and I'd want to protect him. But I never did. But then fairs fair he never protected me neither lol. I'm scared of me because... I'm just like her. And so I'm f*cking terrified of me. And I think that some of whats inside... I don't think anybody can handle that. I need to learn. But I have to get stronger before I start to access it. I need to be strong enough to deal with what comes up. I lost it a couple times before. Don't really remember... Years ago now. Couple of times when nurses were going on and on and on at me on the ward about causing my own distress and stuff. I felt like I started to go numb and shot out of my body from behind. I watched me lunge at the nurse and start hitting and yelling. Snapped back after getting jumped on by peoples. Curled up. Was mortified. Mortified. That happened a couple of times. I don't ever want that to happen again. It can't happen again. I'm serious. My emotions aren't safe.
> See, once again this is done to protect the T. That's not your job. If you want to go to therapy and sit in silence for an hour, then you can. It's your hour.
:-(
:-(
But it wasn't ok. I got terminated
:-(I'm sorry.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:689710
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/691415.html