Posted by llrrrpp on September 15, 2006, at 16:37:05
Is it possible to entirely forget a traumatic childhood event?
I mean, I know it happens, but I remember many traumatic events. Even one that happened when I was four.
I don't remember exactly what happened (with the traumatic events that I remember), but at least I remember that they are part of my biography.
But what if a responsible adult thinks something happened to me at a certain age. Something scary. And I don't remember it at all? Something that was scary enough that she didn't want her children to be near my family ever again? Something that's plausible. Not fantastic, but very horrible.
Knowing a bit about the human mind, I know the frailties of memory in general, and of my memory in particular. If I don't know what happened, (if it happened) will there be any way of understanding this hypothetical event? I would not seek to incriminate anyone, or even confront them- this would be just for me.
I guess there are a lot of old demons being resurrected lately. Things I long had denied, or never allowed myself to express, or feel, or experience. Things I didn't know about myself until I obtained a copy of medical records from my pediatrician. Things that form a sketchy outline. A shadow. Pretty dark shadow.
I'm pretty detached about all of this stuff. Thinking in broad strokes- hypotheticals and what not. The facts that I do know are disturbing enough, yet I feel little disturbance (starting to feeel more, all the time, though. ugh. therapy...).
The facts I will never be able to corroborate would be devastating, I suppose, if I ever allowed myself to entertain the possibility that there is a shred of truth in them.
yeah yeah yeah. I know. dissociation and PTSD. screws with memories and emotions and all that stuff. I know. but maybe this is the reason I don't allow myself to feel stuff? 'Cause I had to keep going? Couldn't allow others to see what was going on?
-ll
poster:llrrrpp
thread:686272
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/686272.html