Posted by llrrrpp on September 16, 2006, at 22:33:44
In reply to Okay- this is the big one **child abuse triggers*, posted by llrrrpp on September 15, 2006, at 19:43:44
The one man I heve ever felt physically and emotionally safe with. I told him everything, as far as I understand it now. It took 3 hours. It was so hard. And I didn't just tell him dispassionately. I showed him the fear that little llrrrpp had when her door was broken in by her raging father, who wanted to beat her for crying. (That's one memory I know is not a mistake. My door at my parent's home is actually broken.)
I asked him if it makes sense, knowing me as well as he does, and knowing my family as well as he does. He is a very good observer of human behavior. He knows people well.
He said it makes sense. All of it makes sense. And that it explains a lot.
And so I'm not just making this stuff up in my head. I'm not making a mountain out of a molehill.
He still loves me. He even wanted to show me how much. But I'm too broken right now. I asked him if he regrets marrying me. I'm so broken.
But you will get better. he said. And your T will help you get better. If you can trust him with this stuff, then you will be okay.
And he still loves me. He just asked me if I was okay. He still wants to hug me.
I feel ... so many things ... so confused. but somehow. I know it's going to be different. I will never be the same. I have started telling my secrets.
-ll
poster:llrrrpp
thread:686272
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/686687.html