Posted by antigua on September 22, 2006, at 19:59:54
In reply to Re: Blame - Trigger, posted by alexandra_k on September 22, 2006, at 19:14:54
Sure I blame my father, but that doesn't mean I don't necessarily NOT understand why he did it. I would say he is responsible for what happened and leave it at that, no matter what his own personal circumstances happened to be. He was wrong to do what he did to a young, innocent child. Forgiveness is not part of the equation for me--that's not my job, to forgive him; that will not make me whole. I will make myself whole. It's not a magical thing that if I forgive him I will be completely well. It just doesn't work that way, for me.
But I will never let him off the hook for what he did, for what he is responsible for doing. That doesn't mean I harbor hate that prevents me from getting well.
Some of this discussion really sounds like ambivalence--the trick is to hold both the good (if there is any) and the evil together in the one person. I personally cannot balance them; I tend to falter on wanting my father to be the "good" father and have a hard time even admitting to myself (my defense) that he could have been so evil.
Interesting discussion.
antigua
poster:antigua
thread:686272
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/688287.html