Posted by ElaineM on September 4, 2006, at 23:16:53
In reply to Re: whoa!! can we switch tracks? » llrrrpp, posted by llrrrpp on September 4, 2006, at 9:15:22
Yes, too much to take. I think i'm having a nervous breakdown. So i'm going to go to lunch tomorrow. And whatever sessions i can get to - cause i don't know what else to do. i have to do what i know. what i'm used to. And as effed up as it sounds, i can't be feeling this unstable alone. even though he's kind of the cause, i want his help. i am way too frantic inside. I'm embarassing myself in posts. I'm triggering myself, bringing up a buried issue I only spoke of very surface-ly with ladyT. I've lost any strength I had: my doctor, my other emotional contact is gone. controlling the SI is gone -- gone after so much progress :-( therapy is somewhat gone -- or completely or what. even my dysfunctional ED is gone. I don't even have that! I've lost everything.
Whatever. i don't care anymore - my tears are done. either this will fix itself, or what happens will happen. Though i'm probably gonna lose my mind first. You've probably kept me saner longer (ie.above: annierose, caraher, LL). it is hard to go through this alone -- with no one to tell me "don't worry. i made it through the same." (at least I had that with the anorexia) But even psych woman and ladydoc had never known another patient in this situation. It is so very lonely. I've never felt sooo alone. I can taste it. Not that i would ever wish anyone else the same confusion (but i think you know what I mean). ((((((those who identify))))))) - that's all.
what is going to happen to me :-( I can't take it. I can't stop shaking my head. there is no outcome of this that will not hurt. this is going to break me.
poster:ElaineM
thread:682157
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060826/msgs/683190.html