Posted by ElaineM on August 27, 2006, at 22:40:26
In reply to Re: meltdown » ElaineM, posted by llrrrpp on August 27, 2006, at 21:45:22
Sunny>>>>It's not your concern how he feels, even if you think it is.
I know - I think. I warned him in the beginning that I'd wreck him. I told him that I infect people, and he said that that would never happen. And now I'm being forced to do something that will make that all come true. He was not like this a year ago. I want him to tell me what I did. I need to know or I'll keep doing it. I ruined him as a T. I want him to hit me instead of love. Caring was good, but he made it gross now.
(((((caraher))))) You are a nice man. I know that much. I believe you when you say that you won't dislike me if I don't leave him. But if I stay I will be disgusted -- you'd think that would be enough. Why is he not like you? I'm not afraid of you. ...this is just like before. I have to calm down.
LL: I would never use them as weapons but I do have every paper letter he's sent, and the poems on copies of his legal documents, and pages and pages of Email Subject lines. I don't think that he understands that what he's sent me, or how he's spoken to me, is wrong -- I didn't think it was strange (in a bad way) until really recently.
I've never thought about physical pain the way you described it. It is hard to remember when it's worst, but I forget that it sometimes has a purpose.
I WILL email the counsellor tomorrow. My coverage only lasts until Sept 1st but maybe she knows someone outside of the university. I'm so scared. I mean, I'll do it, but I can't stop thinking about trying those two other times. If it happens again I'll just die. I don't know what in the world I'll say but I'll send her a message before I go, IF I go, tomorrow. And I just saw your other message, and I'd love to have a cat right now. I can't stop saying I'm afraid.
I'll try and sleep tonight but I doubt it. I want to throw up from nerves. I can't stand tomorrow -- I don't want it to come. My eyes are sore.
thinking of you all, EL
poster:ElaineM
thread:680627
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060826/msgs/680705.html