Posted by llrrrpp on August 27, 2006, at 21:45:22
In reply to Re: meltdown » llrrrpp, posted by ElaineM on August 27, 2006, at 21:07:11
Hi Elaine,
I cannot even imagine what this is like. I feel icky when guys flirt with me, and I can't even fathom what it must feel like to have someone that you once felt safe with turn on you like this.Just be glad that you have your wits about you. You recognized when he turned on you. You recognize that it is not right, and you feel scared to see him tomorrow.
These are GOOD things. They are uncomfortable, and painful, but these are the feelings that are going to keep you safe, believe it or not. Our emotions are there for a reason. They let us understand complicated situations easily, and directly. Rather than having to assimilate and process all kinds of data, when we are AFRAID, we know that there is something to be afraid of (well, with a few exceptions, like neurotic llrrrpp.)
You've heard of those children born without a sense of pain? Those children seem blessed, but they die young. Their bodies don't shift when circulation gets cut off. They cannot avoid dangerous situations, because they cannot anticipate the outcome.
Elaine, you have your sense of anxiety for a reason. Listen to it. Don't go tomorrow. Just don't show up. No reasons necessary.
I think an excellent thing to do would be to contact an abuse counselor. This is someone who probably has experience dealing with young women who are vulnerable and in crisis. You don't have to be tiny and wasting away to be in a crisis. (Lucky for me, really). You cannot be expected to understand everything that's going on around you.
Just know that you're not safe with this guy. Your not safe with him as your lover. You're not safe with him as your T. I don't even think you're safe with him in the same room. If he's willing to sacrifice his career for you (that's essentially what he did, by sending you those e-mails. There is hard evidence in his harddrive, and both of your e-mail servers of his misconduct and abuse), he may be willing to break the law. Please take care of yourself.
I hope you can get a little sleep tonight. Try lying quietly in your bed, and promise yourself that you won't get out of bed. No matter what. Not to injure yourself, not to provoke yourself by reading his emails. Just give your senses a chance to get calm again. Tomorrow's going to be hard. If you can get a head start on it by e-mailing or calling the crisis counselor, it may help put your mind at rest, but if you need to wait until the morning that's okay too.
Stay safe Elaine. I like you just the way you are.
calm vibes~~~
love,
-ll
poster:llrrrpp
thread:680627
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060826/msgs/680680.html