Posted by allisonross on November 10, 2005, at 12:54:50
In reply to Re: Thanks all the thing is he does it very innocently » orchid, posted by Tamar on November 10, 2005, at 6:45:57
> >Dear Orchid: (I posted to your original post, but lost it somehow...it was long, too!) arrghh. Thanks everyone for your support.
> >
> > I am really confused. What my father does is not sexual.Lying on top of you....is sexual.
That is why it never occurred to me it was wrong when I was growing up. He just does everything in a very innocent and non sexual way.
He hopes you will think that, but if he is not mentally impaired in some way, he KNOWS what he is doing is wrong.
But the effect on me is very bad.
I know.
I was molested too.Bottom line? if what some is doing you is causing you confusion, and pain, it is wrong. Would he stop if you told him that if it happens again, you would tell your mother?
>
> Well, I guess part of the question is: what is sex? I know if *any* man (or woman) got into bed with me and tried to lie on top of me I would interpret it in a sexual way.of course. Maybe others wouldn’t. I don’t know. But I think most people would.
>
> I think a parent and child can sleep together innocently.Of course, but your situation is about a parent and a grown woman.
My kids get into bed with me sometimes. I sometimes get into bed with my two-year old and cuddle her. But it’s not every day; it’s maybe once every three months, and it’s generally because *she* wants it rather than because I want it. And I think that’s the thing. You didn’t want it; you dad was/is the one who wants it. It’s wrong of him to coerce you.
>
> I don’t know how innocent he can really be. You’ve told him you don’t like it. You pull away from him when he does it. You’ve asked him not to do it. If I remember correctly, you said that even his friends used to tell him he wasn’t being sensible towards you when you were a kid. And yet he persists in doing it, and in finding excuses: trying to persuade you that it’s good for you. That doesn’t sound like innocence to me. I know you meant sexually innocent… But nevertheless, it sounds to me as if this is now a question of the power he exercises over you. And if he’s touching you in ways you don’t like and refusing to stop… I think it really does constitute assault, even if it’s not overtly sexual.
>
> > I am not in any real danger. But it is just so subtle.Abuse can be very subtle. The abuser doesn't want you to know what he is doing, and hopes you won't figure it out. The last thing he wants, is anybody to know.
I wish I had a T to talk about this. :-(
you can call a women's shelter, they can help, or also any mental health clinic, or hospital.
Can you lock your door, so he doesn't try to lie on top of you on your bed?
Perhaps write him a letter, and tell him that if he touches you again, you WILL tell your mom
(even if he doesn't think you will, or thinks your mom won't believe you, it might make him think.
If he DOES do it again, yell in a loud voice: STOP it, etc......
He is counting on your silence, and the secrecy (just like when you were a child)
I think you ARE in danger; your mind is a precious, valuable thing; your feelings are all you have to tell you what is going on with you. Always trust your instincts, sweetie.
There is NO excuse for him violating you. He is molesting you. This is unbelievable and so painful for you. There is no "innocence" here. He is not a child.
>
> It seems to me that you *are* in real danger… at the very least, there is danger to your mental health. It’s hard to maintain a sense of self when people invade your person in such a confusing way. Maybe that’s why you’re having thoughts about death… maybe you want to escape? I think you do need to be protected: I know it would be extremely difficult for you to leave, but if your father doesn’t agree to completely stop touching you, I wonder whether you can consider all the possible ways of leaving, even if they are difficult.
>
> At the very least, can you go stay with a friend for a couple of days? I think it might be easier for you to think about what to do if you’re able to get out of your parents’ house for a little while.
>
> Please stay as safe as you can!
> Hugs,
> TamarWoops, got to the bottom here, and realized Tamar and I are "talking" at the same time? Techie glitch, I guess.
Sorry, dear Orchid; we all want you to be safe.
hugs, Allison (tons of hugs)
>
>
poster:allisonross
thread:577289
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/577468.html