Posted by Tamar on November 10, 2005, at 3:42:34
In reply to I was clearly abused, posted by orchid on November 9, 2005, at 21:47:01
(((((Orchid)))))
> And it is so clear to me now that I was abused very much by my dad. Perhaps unintentionally, but still the effect is the same. All my issues and problems with my T everything is clearly rooted here.
Yes. What your dad did was wrong. And what he’s still doing is wrong. He should not be trying to sleep on top of you. I know I’m not familiar with all the aspects of your culture, but surely no one should get into bed with a married woman except her husband. Your father must know that it’s not OK to try to sleep on top of you now, whatever his private excuses might have been when you were a child.
> Even now, my father keeps wanting to touch me all the time. I don't like it and I try to politely pull away. He never understands. Today I was sleeping in a bed, and he came and tried to sleep on top of me. And I pulled away. This, after telling him to not touch me before on the phone. He does it unintentionally, and still thinks of me as a small child and perhaps like a teddy bear.
But you’re not a small child and you’re not a teddy bear. You are an adult married woman. And you are not your father’s possession; he can’t do whatever he wants with you. I’m so sorry things are so difficult.
> But imagine the confusion it would have caused on a growing girl if this went on day after day for years.
Oh yes. Extremely confusing. (((((Orchid)))))
> I feel pretty sorry for myself today. Any hugs for me? I wish my dad had more sense. He still doesn't understand. He keeps wanting to touch me all the time in some way or the other, sometimes holding hands, sometimes more closer etc. And I don't want to hurt him, but this is clearly the issue for me. This always have been the main issue.
I can imagine it’s probably difficult to stand up to him. Can you tell your dad that your husband wouldn’t approve of all this touching? Or would that make things worse? Or can you at least say that if he doesn’t stop touching you, you will leave?
The thing that strikes me most strongly is this: if it was abuse when you were a child, it’s still abuse now. I know it’s hard to protect yourself, but I worry that you might be at risk. Where is your husband? Is he living with your parents too?
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:577289
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/577357.html