Posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 6:50:13
Waiting by the phone (or computer) for that call or email. Obsessing.
My real therapist asked me to send him an unsolicited email at his new address so that he'll have my email address. And I simultaneously brought him up to date on the many events that had happened since I last saw him.
I think he took it all the wrong way, because his reply was a bit testy.
He wrote:
"I wonder why you assume our therapy will NOT continue on some level." Then he continued on about changes in all relationships over time.
Doesn't he realize that the "on some level" is what scares me sh*tl*ss? "On some level" appears to me at this point to be him living three hours away, switching his work content to mostly travelling, and seeing me occasionally when he has the chance, and when it's convenient to him, not when I need him. Yes, I want to see him whenever I can. I don't want to lose touch, no matter what. I'm so pathetic, I'll take whenever is convenient to him.
Then he talked about my visiting Huntsville and wrote:
"So if it is not working for you to have me as your therapist, then I have to respect that. But I definitely hope that is not the case."
I *know* he cares about me, and I *know* that he doesn't want to lose me as a client. And I'm not sure why he thinks that's how I feel. I thought I had made it abundantly obvious that I was willing to take whatever he could give and have no intention of terminating with him. I thought I'd made it obvious that I was thinking of moving to Huntsville only if I lost him, and got a new therapist only because I needed support and he just wasn't there.
Sigh. Please don't say that he's trying to help me move on without terminating me. First of all, it's not at all true in the context of everything else he's said to me in the last week and the tone of the remarks (which were more defensive and testy than prodding). I really don't want to go into what those things he said were. They weren't romantic or sexual or anything to be reported over. But they were self revelatory.
I feel like I'm doing everything wrong.
I'm desperate for him to write back and tell me I didn't.
It's too much like being in love. :((((((
On a positive note, the assisted living place is apparently gorgeous and well run and my husband is very pleased which I suppose means his family is as well.
It's funny in a sad sort of way. When the idea was presented to them a while back, my father in law said with obvious enthusiasm "There's two separate apartments?!!!" and his mother in law said in obvious concern and fear "There's two separate apartments?!!!"
I guess he has reason to realize that it's hard to live with inlaws. I did manage to convey a lot of love yesterday morning before they left, without breaking my husband's wishes of telling him what was wrong, I think. And he appeared to understand that.
I really need to refill my Risperdal.
poster:Dinah
thread:563100
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051001/msgs/563100.html