Posted by alexandra_k on October 5, 2005, at 20:36:08
In reply to Re: Oops again. I know that's Annierose. (nm), posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 9:16:23
oh yes indeed it is...
i agree with gg.
katrina has been hard all round...
and it did sound
it did sound a bit to me
like his boundaries came down a bit
with the stress of it all
(which is understandable because he is a person too
but really very hard from a therapy pov)
like how you said before that you thought you were coping with the situation better than he was
and so...
maybe he hasn't really been in the best place to put you first
because he has his own stuff going on now...and it sucks
it really sucks very badly
that things change
(sometimes)but i really do think
that you need to look out to you
and i was a bit (okay a lot) confused
about what you were saying before about him NOT wanting you to start seeing someone else...
and i was thinking that his reasons for that sound more like they are about HIM than YOU.
and i guess its hard...
because it must be so very flattering indeed to have someone so very wonderful as yourself be so very devoted to him
and despite his protestations about dependent women...
there is a security, feelings of security in the face of such devotion
and when times turn to sh*t
when something like katrina hits
then security becomes a very significant thing indeed
and it sounds like he is ambivalent...
and maybe he is trying to test your devotion or something...
and i don't know...but we did talk...
a while ago now...
a fair while ago...
about how you were wondering about whether you might be better off working with someone else
about how YOU had more insights about yourself than HE did (or YOU figured things out more for yourself than HE ever helped facilitate)
about what things would be like if you started working with someone elsebut what always came up
what always got in the way
what always prevented that from being a viable option
was your sense of devotion to himand your concern that if you stopped seeing him then you would lose that sense of connection
and it is those connections that make life worth living
and they are very hard to come by indeed...
and therapists are not like washing machines.but i think...
i really do think...
that yes those connections are very hard to come by
and that yes those connections are what makes life worth living
and that yes therapists are not interchangeable like washing machines.but i also think...
that it is like there are so very many people in the world
and some of them are worlds apart
and even if circumstances threw you together there wouldn't be the possibility of such a connection
but there is a sub-set of that group where such a connection is possible.
circumstances permitting...
circumstances permitting...and about those circumstances...
time is a factor
because we do feel more attached in timelike i have said before about puppies
if we imagine that you are getting a puppy
and you go to have a look at the litter...
and you see them and they are all so cute
and then one strikes you and you say you want that one.and right there, at that point if they say that that one has been promised to someone
then it isn't so very soul destroying that you can't have that one
that you have to pick another.
but lets say that they don't tell you that and you take it home
and then two years later they say there was some kind of a mix up and you have to return that puppy.
then that would hurt much much more because the connection, the bond strengthens so much over time.
and imagine if you had to give it back after 10 years.and i know that we can't form strong bonds with everyone
people are not interchangeable like that
some people just rub us up the wrong way
aren't sensitive enough
whateverbut there is the possibility of those connections...
and i think that the space of possible people
who you could feel such devotion for
may well be bigger than you think
may well be bigger than you thinkand i know that is is early days yet
so very early
but that might just happen with your new t
that might just happen
and some of the issues that you were worried about with your old t (about progress etc)
might not come up in the same way.i don't know...
i hope i'm not hurting...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:563100
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051001/msgs/563454.html