Posted by Pfinstegg on June 8, 2004, at 20:41:24
In reply to Waaaaaahhhhhhhh, posted by Dinah on June 8, 2004, at 16:00:35
Aw, Dinah, I can really commiserate with you. I have also had some awful hair occurences- wanting just a little temporary color, or a few highlights, and getting either darker than I have ever been, or unnaturally *golden*. Did you have semipermanent color, or the permanent kind? The semipermanent gets more natural- looking very quickly, and washes out completely in about six weeks, usually.
After many painful experiments, I think I have found the right way to approach the whole thing. my hair is dark blond with a little grey in the front. About every 6 months, I have highlights- just a few- those are permanent. Then over that I have a semipermanent dark blond rinse, which gradually washes out. It looks natural, which is the most important thing. I do think it might be worth it to wait a little before having anything more done, as it may get much more natural-looking, or you may get to like it. Or you may like it just as it naturally is, without any added color.
As to the sort of rift this has created with your therapist, I feel very sad about that, and hope it isn't permanent. It seems like you have usually had such a strong connection with him, and have done so much good work together. Having read your posts over the past year, you seem to be so much healthier and happier now than you were a year and a half ago. I know you don't really like me to say that, but I do think it!
It's so tricky when therapists make ANY kind of comment about appearance, I think. You T. may have gotten himself unwittingly into a *mother* position by expressing his views. I guess we have all had mothers urging us to look prettier in various ways, with the mothers doing the choosing of what those things will be. I would be very angry if my T. said anything like what yours did, because it is an implicit criticism, and it also detracts from your position as an adult who can and should make all those decisions yourself. But I do hope you will tell him all the things you have told us here and will be able to work it through, because there is so much else that is valuable between you. If it's any help, I get very angry, negative feelings towards my T. on a regular basis- from unconscious pressures of my own usually, or sometimes because he seems not to understand me. But working through those very unpleasant feelings has, so far, always been so worth it. We end up with a stronger alliance than ever, even though during those hard times I feel, also, that I don't even like him, and might do well to quit. Will you let us know how things go, both with him, and with your hair? We'll be thinking of you.
P.
poster:Pfinstegg
thread:354845
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040603/msgs/354908.html