Posted by Dinah on June 8, 2004, at 19:47:14
In reply to Re: Waaaaaahhhhhhhh » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on June 8, 2004, at 17:00:43
I guess the difference is that I always knew that he didn't *intend* for me to be aware of his feelings about my grooming choices, except in the limited way he *spoke* about them. He didn't want me to see more than his actual words. But they're idiots if they think they're such blank slates. It is foolish of them to think we don't pick up on their attitudes. And it's crazy making of him to deny it. Although in the end, I suppose he quit denying it.
Well, I'm giving up trying to please him, appearance wise. It's not what I want to do, and I'm just ending up resenting him for seducing me into his idea of what is appropriate. I like my Reeboks. Sandals hurt my feet. I liked my greying hair, and now it'll be years before it's back to the point it used to be. I hate spending time putting on nail polish and then having to worry about it. I burned myself with depilatory where I didn't realize I had irritated skin. (Not that he told me I should use nail polish or depilatory. I was just doing the whole girly thing because I thought that's what he thought good grooming should be.) I haven't actually bought many clothes, but I've spent a fortune in shipping fees on returned catalog clothes. I want him to leave me alone about this.
He says it was me who brought it up, because I didn't want to look like my mom. But that was just an opening for his agenda. I don't dress like my mom. I don't wear my hair like my mom. And if I wore makeup or got my hair lightened, people would just say I looked like my mom in makeup and with my hair lightened.
I want him to back off. NOW.
I don't even think I like him anymore.
I don't feel safe there anymore.
poster:Dinah
thread:354845
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040603/msgs/354894.html