Posted by pedrito on May 17, 2005, at 8:18:15
In reply to Re: acceptance » alexandra_k, posted by badhaircut on May 14, 2005, at 11:40:17
> For sure! I found a really neat book about that: "White Bears and Other Unwanted Thoughts" by Daniel Wegner. It's not a therapy book, but it has applications to therapy. He suggests you "invite the thought back in" as the only way to deal with it.
- again, that sounds like big trouble to me. Intentionally and obsessively generating imagery was what got me into troublesville in the first place. At this juncture though, I’m willing to try anything =o]
>
> > It isn't that your thoughts stop.
> > It is that all you are aware of is how your breathing feels.
> > Mostly I feel a kind of dual-awareness.
> > I'm focusing everything I can on how my breathing feels
> > But... out of the corner of my mind little clouds of thoughts float past.
> > After a while you can even watch them- sounds cool. Sounds hard to do.
> Yes. I am becoming more aware of the "observer-I." For example, Thursday I was too anxious or whatever to leave my house (yet again!). But I was able to step back from my feelings & beliefs a little without giving them up. My usual thought "I'M A JACKASS!!" came up. I observed it sorta like a cloud, as you say, but it didn't float past, it just enveloped me like a mist — and stayed.
- that’s exactly what I get. A lot of the time I’m deep into the mist, completely lost in it, before I even realise. At that point, I’m stuffed usually. I think this is where the DR is a killer, it’s as if you’re in the mist withing 3 minutes of waking up and it’s all your used to – you don’t know what it’s like not to be in the mist. If that makes any sense. Last night, even when playing in a wicked game of soccer I could not stop picturing/thinking “I am utterly loathesome”. I finally gave up and agreed, in a slightly sarcastic manner, that I was wholly loathesome and felt a lot better within 30 minutes. Hmmm.
> But I saw it as separate from me, from observer-me. I thought something like, "I see myself and I may be a jackass. I see I have jackass-feelings. I can watch myself leave the house and 'be' a jackass outside..." So I did, I went outside and observed myself feeling and –sorta– being a jackass. I was not quite indifferent to it: 'being' a jackass did not feel good. But better feelings were no longer my target. I was outside.
- cool.
> Logically, I know I'm not a jackass (well, not very often one). But my heartfelt belief is that I am the braying Jackass King. Doing this mindfulness tactic Thursday, I was surprised to see how much I struggle against this belief — I try to avoid it over & over all day long. So much energy goes into this.
> "Do THIS and you won't be a jackass!"
> "Do THAT and you won't care if you're a jackass!"
> "Oh god! You did that one wrong! YOU JACKASS!!"
>
> > Good thoughts come too.
> > I used to cling to those.
> > But then I found that I actually learned a whole heap more by resisting the temptation to cling to them
>
> It's interesting. The good thoughts can loose their "effect" as quickly as the bad ones.
>
> > This is all really hard to explain in a coherent way that doesn't run into paradox
>
> Very hard to talk about. I'm glad you take the time to do it.- yes. Clinging rigidly to any kind of thinking is bad news. It’s inflexible thinking that gets us into trouble in the first place. One thing I’ve learned of late is, if I have a good morning for example, DO NOT go crazy trying to remember exactly what I did and then “replay” those actions rote. Bad move.
poster:pedrito
thread:492810
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/books/20050501/msgs/498842.html