Posted by exquilter on August 15, 2006, at 0:08:22
In reply to Re: Find your purpose, posted by RN320 on August 14, 2006, at 21:03:17
> Thank you, Exquilter, for your thoughts. As I get closer to this I do feel a lot of guilt in leaving those behind who have invested so much in my- family, friends and docs. The events of the last few days for me have pushed me closer towards the edge than I think I've ever been. Even though I know that there are people out there for me I feel so very alone, and at this point I don't think that I want any intervention. I don't think that there's anything else that I can plan- there's really nothing holding me back at this point. I think that I've reached a point where I just can't take the things that seem to go along with my everyday life anymore. And to me- that's a big clue that I don't belong here anymore.....probably shouldn't have been for awhile. I find myself unable to cope with yet another funeral in my famiy occurring this week, and going to cardiac rehab today for the first time was very overwhelming....they make it really clear that you're responsible for a lot and I have a hard time remembering things and that didn't go over well. Then I found out that my Part D Medicare drug provider has disenrolled me and refunded all of my premiums through social security. I didn't think that they were able to drop people unless they didn't pay their premiums, and mine was paid everymonth through my social security check. Now I have >$2000 a month in meds that I can't afford. I just can't take the pressure anymore, and no matter how angry that people may be initially with my choise, I think that they'll eventially get it, even if they don't agree.
>
> So, thank you for your ideas.....I'll talk to my therapist about the possiblity of a day program, but other than that I think I'm done. Five years has been a long time. I don't even know myself anymore. Peace to you. Maybe I'll get some soon myself.
> /m
Dear RN-It was not my purpose to make you feel guilty, but to remind you of all the people who care about you.
Five years is a long time but there have probably been bright spots in those years that you cannot see from this valley of the shadow, and I believe there are more to come if you can tough this out.
Maybe this is not the right time to proceed with a demanding program like cardiac rehab. Have you confided your misgivings to the therapists you see there? Have you considered that the relationship between depression and heart attack may be playing a role in how you feel right now?
I don't know what the insurance company is up to, but I do know that there are ways to get your medications free or at reduced cost if you are not insured. Your Drs. will know what forms you need to fill out, etc.
You do need a break from all the everyday cares that wear all of us down. You need to be cared for, protected and strengthened and all this is still possible if you will just allow it. Please share your plans with your Dr. or Therapist, Dear Heart. I know how hard that is to do, I really do.
Exquilter
poster:exquilter
thread:675823
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060810/msgs/676559.html